This afternoon I listened to an elegant, unassuming Burundian with a rich, deeply complex narrative. He is an individual who has faced massacre, impending murder, constant fear, utter loneliness-and has emerged having wrestled with these demons and overcome. I have an immense respect for this man, Mr. Deogratias Niyizonkiza, whose genuine connection to the spirit of the Matthew A. Carter memorial lecture has taught me the fundamental importance of love, the immense power of focused, wise, and strong compassion, and the fundamental sameness of humanity.
“I never thought that I was poor, because I had parents who taught me that though we (the children) have no food, we have our parents. And they love us.” This statement’s power comes from the simple portrayal of the human need for others’ love. I deeply resonated with this bare truth, because it reminds me of what I hold to be most dear: my mother, my father, and my brother. Love from family and from precious friends is and should be the motivating force behind the efforts to achieve my personal best. The glittering trophies of accomplishment and prestige have an almost irresistible allure, yet they cannot and will not be enough to sustain a lifelong passion. Rivalry, though potent, will ultimately burn out. Love, even of the fallible human sort, seems to be the only thing holding our lives and dreams together.
I believe Deo embodies compassion honed by wisdom, focus, and strength. He is not a hopeless idealist who believes in a one-man crusade. He demonstrates the value of using what gifts we have at our disposal-what relationships, connections, and degrees-towards a uniquely personal passion. While I have to agree with his offhand assessment of him having “jumped the gun” by prematurely departing midway through his medical studies, I deeply admire the powerful desire and genuine concern he showed for his fellow countrymen and women. He inspires me to achieve excellence-to be passionate about achieving what some idealists may deem “unnecessary” credentials-for the sake of leveraging all our blessings for the sake of others.
Finally, he reminded me of a very critical point: that we are all thoroughly human. We are to wallow in that shared experience, to drink it in so fully that no air of arrogance, of presumption, or of self-pride can poison our souls. We did not, and could not, have chosen to be born in a certain nation, at a certain time, to a specific set of parents. Our shared humanity and undeserved blessings instead bring the rich joy and glorious responsibility to bring blessings to others. Thank you, Deo, for showing me what it means to bring healing to those who have lost everything-the emaciated man dying on the dirt floor of a hut, or the child abandoned in the jungle-and, more importantly, for showing me the power of love to restore hope.
*Mr. Deogratias Niyizonkiza was the speaker for the Matthew A. Carter memorial lecture, who after being homeless in NYC as a refugee eventually attended Columbia University, the Harvard School for Public Health, and Dartmouth Medical School. He now is the founder of Village Health Works, a holistic clinic and medical care center in Kigutu, Burundi.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Med school reflections #1
It seems that medical school naturally draws out the sinful tendencies of selfishness. I didn' t quite realize it until recently, but it really promotes the idea that I need to get things done, that I need to make sure I know my stuff, and-at the end of the day-it is my responsibility if I know the material (for the test, or, eventually, for the patient) and are able to manipulate it correctly and in a life-saving manner.
Yet sometimes it does get to be a bit much.
Medical school as an experience has already placed tremendous pressure on my friendships, my relationships with others-even among my newfound friends I find it difficult to make myself available to them in a way that facilitates true bonding-because I'm afraid that I will get behind on my study schedule and lose precious time for-what else?-studying.
Additionally, I realize how my mind is so geared towards absorbing large quantities of information that I don't really question what I'm learning. I just absorb and absorb, I imbibe huge quantities of raw data, sift it to the essential data, and then chew on my streamlined version over and over again. Yet it takes so much out of me! On top of that, I have to integrate the spatial memorization of the human anatomy, with all its strange connection of term memorization and visual identification, with innervations, vasculature, and function thrown into the mix! AND ON TOP OF THAT, Histology with all its lists, its horrendously detailed and complex questions that require you to compartmentalize your mind into the rooms of Bone/Cartilage, Skin, Muscle, and the Immune System.
When do I have time to ask questions?
Why do I feel that my already non-inquisitive mind is being further pounded into submission by this torrent of information?
Why do I fear that I am losing sight of others when I place my studies first?
It's a difficult feeling to have-of guilt, of longing to know someone else-and you simply don't know what others are thinking. It's maddening, in fact, to always be guessing at others' motives, to place up that mask of confidence when underneath you tremble and wince, writhe and rage.
Yet is this all part of human passion? Isn't this part of what we discussed in small group yesterday-that fundamentally men are driven by how others perceive them? Yet how much grace we receive when we can voluntarily give that up? It sounds so easy, right? "BE independent! Don't care about what other people think-just be yourself!"
what empty words! How can one be independent from the world when he is merely cutting himself off-but never truly being able to divorce himself because he lives, breathes, and exists in this inescapable reality?
But we have the transcendental reality of God-more specifically, of Christ. We have the confidence and hope in His promise, in the Word of God, in his Holy Spirit who dwells in our hearts. Who has known the mind of the LORD, or instructed Him as His counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten Him, and who taught Him the right way? Who was it that taught Him knowledge, or showed Him the path of understanding? (Isaiah 40:13-14)
In small group yesterday we did the Lectio Divina method of reflection on Isaiah 40, and it was deeply rich and insightful for each of us. I believe that God used it to speak clearly into my heart for the agony I would suffer this upcoming few days. Faced with the prospect of such mounds of academic and scientific information, along with the due stress that such impending doom has on my relationships with others-God speaks into my heart: trust not in your own wisdom, nor in the counsel of any other fallible human being. Know that I am the LORD, the everlasting God! I am the source of all wisdom, of all knowledge-give glory and thanks to me while you study, and live with the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:6-16; esp. verse 16, which references Isaiah! How awesome is that!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
May I dwell with the mind of Christ firmly in my possession, and not allow stray thoughts to haunt and dog me-and may His wisdom be given to me.
Yet sometimes it does get to be a bit much.
Medical school as an experience has already placed tremendous pressure on my friendships, my relationships with others-even among my newfound friends I find it difficult to make myself available to them in a way that facilitates true bonding-because I'm afraid that I will get behind on my study schedule and lose precious time for-what else?-studying.
Additionally, I realize how my mind is so geared towards absorbing large quantities of information that I don't really question what I'm learning. I just absorb and absorb, I imbibe huge quantities of raw data, sift it to the essential data, and then chew on my streamlined version over and over again. Yet it takes so much out of me! On top of that, I have to integrate the spatial memorization of the human anatomy, with all its strange connection of term memorization and visual identification, with innervations, vasculature, and function thrown into the mix! AND ON TOP OF THAT, Histology with all its lists, its horrendously detailed and complex questions that require you to compartmentalize your mind into the rooms of Bone/Cartilage, Skin, Muscle, and the Immune System.
When do I have time to ask questions?
Why do I feel that my already non-inquisitive mind is being further pounded into submission by this torrent of information?
Why do I fear that I am losing sight of others when I place my studies first?
It's a difficult feeling to have-of guilt, of longing to know someone else-and you simply don't know what others are thinking. It's maddening, in fact, to always be guessing at others' motives, to place up that mask of confidence when underneath you tremble and wince, writhe and rage.
Yet is this all part of human passion? Isn't this part of what we discussed in small group yesterday-that fundamentally men are driven by how others perceive them? Yet how much grace we receive when we can voluntarily give that up? It sounds so easy, right? "BE independent! Don't care about what other people think-just be yourself!"
what empty words! How can one be independent from the world when he is merely cutting himself off-but never truly being able to divorce himself because he lives, breathes, and exists in this inescapable reality?
But we have the transcendental reality of God-more specifically, of Christ. We have the confidence and hope in His promise, in the Word of God, in his Holy Spirit who dwells in our hearts. Who has known the mind of the LORD, or instructed Him as His counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten Him, and who taught Him the right way? Who was it that taught Him knowledge, or showed Him the path of understanding? (Isaiah 40:13-14)
In small group yesterday we did the Lectio Divina method of reflection on Isaiah 40, and it was deeply rich and insightful for each of us. I believe that God used it to speak clearly into my heart for the agony I would suffer this upcoming few days. Faced with the prospect of such mounds of academic and scientific information, along with the due stress that such impending doom has on my relationships with others-God speaks into my heart: trust not in your own wisdom, nor in the counsel of any other fallible human being. Know that I am the LORD, the everlasting God! I am the source of all wisdom, of all knowledge-give glory and thanks to me while you study, and live with the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:6-16; esp. verse 16, which references Isaiah! How awesome is that!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
May I dwell with the mind of Christ firmly in my possession, and not allow stray thoughts to haunt and dog me-and may His wisdom be given to me.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I met a stiff today
In the morning, I was greeted by this passage from 2 Corinthians 5:1-5
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
I thought it peculiar that God would choose to speak this into my heart-that I was going to see an earthly tent, yet I was to fix my eyes on the eternal house in heaven. I was going to understand what it really means when Paul says the body is an earthly tent. I don't think I ever gave serious thought to death, to what a living human being looks after the breath of life has left him. I always thought it would be rather bothersome, yet still an occasion for rejoicing, because I know I will be going to my Lord.
So I saw, I touched, and I laid bare (literally) a dead body for the first time.
Call it a cadaver, a "donor," my "greatest teacher," but that was a human body.
It was...disconcerting. Especially at first, as we raised up the electric blue body bag. It was a very clear sense of-woah, this is real. I'm really going to cut open a body. And this body does not smell very nice.
The first incision was together, with further dissection rotating through each of the members. I must admit that although this is supposed to be a defining moment for many doctors, for me it became more of an intellectual challenge-how can I fit those pretty charts, those nicely drawn muscles with this stiff laying before me, with all its imperfections, its yellow gobs of fat, its not-well-defined musculature?
And worse, how can I cut this man up without hacking the critical pieces to bits?
I looked at this as an ultimate challenge-to fit together a conceptual understanding of the human body with the reality in all its formaldehyde-laced glory.
And so I realize that this body was, indeed, a last gift by this anonymous donor. I am tremendously grateful for the incredible chance to learn from him, yet I can now also better appreciate the temporal nature of the body. So often people worry about their appearance, about their physical attractiveness-yet what does all that working out and starvation diet achieve when our bodies are merely tents? I look forward to that divine building-to be clothed with a dwelling that will never perish, one that is free of all the imperfections and vices of the human body.
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
I thought it peculiar that God would choose to speak this into my heart-that I was going to see an earthly tent, yet I was to fix my eyes on the eternal house in heaven. I was going to understand what it really means when Paul says the body is an earthly tent. I don't think I ever gave serious thought to death, to what a living human being looks after the breath of life has left him. I always thought it would be rather bothersome, yet still an occasion for rejoicing, because I know I will be going to my Lord.
So I saw, I touched, and I laid bare (literally) a dead body for the first time.
Call it a cadaver, a "donor," my "greatest teacher," but that was a human body.
It was...disconcerting. Especially at first, as we raised up the electric blue body bag. It was a very clear sense of-woah, this is real. I'm really going to cut open a body. And this body does not smell very nice.
The first incision was together, with further dissection rotating through each of the members. I must admit that although this is supposed to be a defining moment for many doctors, for me it became more of an intellectual challenge-how can I fit those pretty charts, those nicely drawn muscles with this stiff laying before me, with all its imperfections, its yellow gobs of fat, its not-well-defined musculature?
And worse, how can I cut this man up without hacking the critical pieces to bits?
I looked at this as an ultimate challenge-to fit together a conceptual understanding of the human body with the reality in all its formaldehyde-laced glory.
And so I realize that this body was, indeed, a last gift by this anonymous donor. I am tremendously grateful for the incredible chance to learn from him, yet I can now also better appreciate the temporal nature of the body. So often people worry about their appearance, about their physical attractiveness-yet what does all that working out and starvation diet achieve when our bodies are merely tents? I look forward to that divine building-to be clothed with a dwelling that will never perish, one that is free of all the imperfections and vices of the human body.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
first day - calm before the storm
I don't think I've ever felt so nervous about starting a first day...probably middle school was the worst. Coming from a private school, no sense of public-school-chic, overweight, bifocal glasses-I kinda deserved the weird glances and cold shoulders.
Yet here I am, recently 22, ready to embark on a new journey-the journey of a lifetime. This next 4 years, I'm told, will be when I get into the thick of my profession, where I will work my way towards the calling that God has placed in my life.
I'm quite nervous. anxious. Will I be able to thrive? Can I handle the discipline? Has it all come to this-for me to fail?
Will I be able to fit into this world of cliques and high-powered people?
Will I find this fulfilling?
I do hope so. I hope that God will give me the strength, the joy, the peace, the self-discipline adequate for this next stage. I pray that He will grant me his wonderful grace to extend towards my classmates, His power in being His witness, and Christ's perseverance to finish well!
It's 11:11. And by the awesome coincidence (or intentional blessing) I am currently enjoying the tail end of a song from Urbana 06: I have a calling.
Yet here I am, recently 22, ready to embark on a new journey-the journey of a lifetime. This next 4 years, I'm told, will be when I get into the thick of my profession, where I will work my way towards the calling that God has placed in my life.
I'm quite nervous. anxious. Will I be able to thrive? Can I handle the discipline? Has it all come to this-for me to fail?
Will I be able to fit into this world of cliques and high-powered people?
Will I find this fulfilling?
I do hope so. I hope that God will give me the strength, the joy, the peace, the self-discipline adequate for this next stage. I pray that He will grant me his wonderful grace to extend towards my classmates, His power in being His witness, and Christ's perseverance to finish well!
It's 11:11. And by the awesome coincidence (or intentional blessing) I am currently enjoying the tail end of a song from Urbana 06: I have a calling.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
med school
Three days into orientation, and I've undergone three stages: first, shock-and-awe. second, slow confusion. third, confidence and assurance.
Shock-and-awe
When I first walked into BCM to the Rayzor Lounge, throngs of students were all milling around-and I didn't know any of them. It was the first day at Rice all over again, except now I was no longer surrounded by new high school grads, lives still relatively unscarred, fresh minds and lives ready to embrace whatever came their way. I realized-I am surrounded by leaders, by mental brilliance, by beings filled and molded by amazing experiences. I am now trying to connect to people whose lives are already occupied with close relationships, and it's really, really hard.
I don't think I got through the first two days without just sitting down, strolling around, or staring into space alone for a long time (about 10 minutes or so max). So THIS is what they call networking!
Slow confusion
And I was completely, utterly confused.
What's the point of knowing name, face, origin...if you're just doing so for future reference? what's the point of knowing common ground...when the reason is just to meet up once or twice just to satiate our need for social interaction? When did relationships become so shallow, with no potential for REAL growth?
We're just all pawns in each others' webs, just acquaintances bound by the same school, and now by the same "experiences." Yet how fragile is that foundation! I feel as if I am literally building on sand. I am constructing shoddy sand castles that melt upon a mere touch.
Yet God blessed me with a fellow brother. Throughout the orientation, I was trying really hard to connect with a Danny who Philip had recommended to me, but he seemed to elude me every. single. time.
I was praying so hard for God to give me some relief, to allow me a conversation that penetrated beneath all that superficiality, a meeting of souls. And He was faithful! On the bus ride back to BCM no less I met a Ben with whom I had the most encouraging and heartfelt conversation. It refreshed me, strengthened me, encouraged me! Surely God is a great God who answers the prayer of His children!
Yet I remained confused. What am I to do in this environment? The world said-conform! Yet of course, God firmly spoke-don't. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind! (Romans 12:2) I struggled with this, especially because in my PRN (orientation) group there was a certain individual who was trying to establish himself as the leader, positioning himself as the one who made decisions for others, who was the 'benefactor'. Of course this disgusted me, especially due to his unwillingness to shoulder the burdens that he thought 'beneath' him, and instead forcing his views upon others. This made things infinitely harder for me to connect with others in the group, because he kept drawing attention to himself! Yet God showed me in that state of confusion that He is sovereign, and spoke to me in this verse in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. Do EVERYTHING IN LOVE.
Confidence and Assurance
So I persevered. And I was able to meet and connect with everyone in our group. How? I begged God for the grace to sustain me, for the grace to shatter my proud heart to serve others. God spoke these words to my heart-to be a man of God. To stand strongly, to sacrifice myself for His glory, and-MOST importantly-to do everything out of an intense, burning passion and love for Christ. Not for my own well-being, so that I'll be better positioned later, or so I'll be a 'better person.' No, there are greater things at stake here! And, of course, a much greater purpose. May God be praised-I am here, called by Christ Himself. May His name receive all glory and honor-I have been entrusted with much, and I will prove faithful in Christ. May His peace ever pervade my soul-I am secure in Him.
Shock-and-awe
When I first walked into BCM to the Rayzor Lounge, throngs of students were all milling around-and I didn't know any of them. It was the first day at Rice all over again, except now I was no longer surrounded by new high school grads, lives still relatively unscarred, fresh minds and lives ready to embrace whatever came their way. I realized-I am surrounded by leaders, by mental brilliance, by beings filled and molded by amazing experiences. I am now trying to connect to people whose lives are already occupied with close relationships, and it's really, really hard.
I don't think I got through the first two days without just sitting down, strolling around, or staring into space alone for a long time (about 10 minutes or so max). So THIS is what they call networking!
Slow confusion
And I was completely, utterly confused.
What's the point of knowing name, face, origin...if you're just doing so for future reference? what's the point of knowing common ground...when the reason is just to meet up once or twice just to satiate our need for social interaction? When did relationships become so shallow, with no potential for REAL growth?
We're just all pawns in each others' webs, just acquaintances bound by the same school, and now by the same "experiences." Yet how fragile is that foundation! I feel as if I am literally building on sand. I am constructing shoddy sand castles that melt upon a mere touch.
Yet God blessed me with a fellow brother. Throughout the orientation, I was trying really hard to connect with a Danny who Philip had recommended to me, but he seemed to elude me every. single. time.
I was praying so hard for God to give me some relief, to allow me a conversation that penetrated beneath all that superficiality, a meeting of souls. And He was faithful! On the bus ride back to BCM no less I met a Ben with whom I had the most encouraging and heartfelt conversation. It refreshed me, strengthened me, encouraged me! Surely God is a great God who answers the prayer of His children!
Yet I remained confused. What am I to do in this environment? The world said-conform! Yet of course, God firmly spoke-don't. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind! (Romans 12:2) I struggled with this, especially because in my PRN (orientation) group there was a certain individual who was trying to establish himself as the leader, positioning himself as the one who made decisions for others, who was the 'benefactor'. Of course this disgusted me, especially due to his unwillingness to shoulder the burdens that he thought 'beneath' him, and instead forcing his views upon others. This made things infinitely harder for me to connect with others in the group, because he kept drawing attention to himself! Yet God showed me in that state of confusion that He is sovereign, and spoke to me in this verse in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. Do EVERYTHING IN LOVE.
Confidence and Assurance
So I persevered. And I was able to meet and connect with everyone in our group. How? I begged God for the grace to sustain me, for the grace to shatter my proud heart to serve others. God spoke these words to my heart-to be a man of God. To stand strongly, to sacrifice myself for His glory, and-MOST importantly-to do everything out of an intense, burning passion and love for Christ. Not for my own well-being, so that I'll be better positioned later, or so I'll be a 'better person.' No, there are greater things at stake here! And, of course, a much greater purpose. May God be praised-I am here, called by Christ Himself. May His name receive all glory and honor-I have been entrusted with much, and I will prove faithful in Christ. May His peace ever pervade my soul-I am secure in Him.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Taipei farewell
For the first time in a while, I savored (or, more accurately, contemplated) the sights of Taipei-in particular, the sky. I couldn't help but think that during these six weeks (approx) I've only really taken the time to step back, hold my breath, and just let my mind feel with my heart. No objective, no background planning on what to do next-just allowing my entire being resonate with this place, this particular time.
Towers of glass and steel, the multitude of lights of all shapes and sizes, signs and images, advertisements and the incessant reminder of time-this is the city.
Yet what makes the city beautiful?
After coming back from a German-themed lunch, catching the last song in a free concert for up-and-coming artist [something] Chou, and then fielding questions and bravely enduring the smothering love of my dear Little Aunt and Uncle...I was rushing, rushing from the Ximen MRT station to the 307 bus stop-and then, I heard it.
My ears caught the plaintive, heartlifting melody of the erhu. My mind abruptly halted the planning and goalsetting and cataloguing all the things that had happened the past 24 hours-just to listen.
The city is where human expression finds its audience most readily. The city is where one can become jaded to the masses of immortal beings that stream past us on a daily basis, yet it provides the outlet for that one soul to pour out its longings and thoughts and be appreciated by those who stop and listen. This city has shown me the preciousness, the beauty, and the inevitable limitations of humanness.
Family-I now know the lives of my cousins and aunts/uncles on an intimate level. I know the lives of my friends when they are most vulnerable (or most powerful, as the case may be)-when they are at home. I have touched the souls of my kin, and have for the first time felt the cold fear of eternal separation grip my heart. My prayers as a kid always were systematic: from oldest aunt to youngest cousin, every day we'd give up halfhearted, innocently feeble prayers for their lives. Yet now I see the horrific damage of a lack of prayer warriors. I feel their blindness, yet am helpless to undo what years of aimless wandering and toxic lukewarm faith have done to their view of Christ. Oh, may God have mercy on my family!
Faith-My heart has been strengthened by so many beautiful demonstrations of God's grace in my life, so many spiritual lessons to prepare my heart for medical school. God demonstrates most by using His body, and I've been tremendously blessed to meet three wonderful brothers and sisters during my time in Asia who have spoken life into my soul. (by divine providence, they're all med students!) Climbing a mountain behind zhen da in Taipei with two of my cousins gave me renewed praise in my heart for God's creation-we saw so many butterflies, spiders, cicadas...the mountains were teeming with life!
Towers of glass and steel, the multitude of lights of all shapes and sizes, signs and images, advertisements and the incessant reminder of time-this is the city.
Yet what makes the city beautiful?
After coming back from a German-themed lunch, catching the last song in a free concert for up-and-coming artist [something] Chou, and then fielding questions and bravely enduring the smothering love of my dear Little Aunt and Uncle...I was rushing, rushing from the Ximen MRT station to the 307 bus stop-and then, I heard it.
My ears caught the plaintive, heartlifting melody of the erhu. My mind abruptly halted the planning and goalsetting and cataloguing all the things that had happened the past 24 hours-just to listen.
The city is where human expression finds its audience most readily. The city is where one can become jaded to the masses of immortal beings that stream past us on a daily basis, yet it provides the outlet for that one soul to pour out its longings and thoughts and be appreciated by those who stop and listen. This city has shown me the preciousness, the beauty, and the inevitable limitations of humanness.
Family-I now know the lives of my cousins and aunts/uncles on an intimate level. I know the lives of my friends when they are most vulnerable (or most powerful, as the case may be)-when they are at home. I have touched the souls of my kin, and have for the first time felt the cold fear of eternal separation grip my heart. My prayers as a kid always were systematic: from oldest aunt to youngest cousin, every day we'd give up halfhearted, innocently feeble prayers for their lives. Yet now I see the horrific damage of a lack of prayer warriors. I feel their blindness, yet am helpless to undo what years of aimless wandering and toxic lukewarm faith have done to their view of Christ. Oh, may God have mercy on my family!
Faith-My heart has been strengthened by so many beautiful demonstrations of God's grace in my life, so many spiritual lessons to prepare my heart for medical school. God demonstrates most by using His body, and I've been tremendously blessed to meet three wonderful brothers and sisters during my time in Asia who have spoken life into my soul. (by divine providence, they're all med students!) Climbing a mountain behind zhen da in Taipei with two of my cousins gave me renewed praise in my heart for God's creation-we saw so many butterflies, spiders, cicadas...the mountains were teeming with life!
Myself-I can now more deeply appreciate the fullness of my blessings. Surely God has been good to me, in more ways than I could ever hope for or imagine! Only after I have left home do I appreciate the person God has molded me to become-and have confidence that He will bring His work in me to completion according to His plan. I realized for the first time what it means for my heart to leap, to ache, to be given away. It's a scary experience, and one that I'm still grappling with even now.
-->update
I just came back from surfing. man, that was a spectacular, mindblowing experience! Yet much, much harder than the hype. riding the waves-yet the key is this: to not grasp the board or to try and control your "balance," but rather to feel the waves, to literally go with the flow (of course with the correct form, plastered on the board). now I know why surfers are so chill!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Romans 8
Today, I watched Love Actually (censored, without that explicit story) and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs.
As I watched the first movie, I was struck by the nature of the relationships-a glance, a touch, a look-and it's over. It's love at first/second/third sight. Yet the underlying premise, the basis, is physical attraction. THAT is what constitutes that "fall in love" part (actually, it is nearly the whole), and the only story that showed a woman sacrificing that physical intimacy for her mentally unstable brother is portrayed as a noble, but infinitely sad and dismal existence compared to the exuberant happiness when that fleeting desire is consummated-and, what is more, celebrated!
And I was confused. In part because I now have a partial understanding of what love is, I could not help but scoff at the notion that relationships are based on such flimsy footing (and roll my eyes when surprise, surprise! they fall apart just as readily).
I brought up this feeling in casual conversation with Jasper, and his reply was-"what do you expect?" What DID I expect?
Did I expect that the world would know anything else but a sweet story of confused individuals mistaking coincidence and lustful glances for lifelong companionship? Did I expect that two friends (in the movie) would realize their deep bond (love?) for one another and feel fulfilled by getting wasted and watching X-rated films together and consider that an 'ultimate' bond of affection?
And I was reminded of the depth of Christ's love, the breadth of true love.
I've been going through Romans, and Romans 8 particularly took my breath away.
First, justification. How did God justify us, how did He deal with the formidable spectre of the law, and the sin that chains us to the hopelessness of condemnation? vs. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the sinful nature, GOD DID by sending His own Son in the likeness of humanity to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in human flesh...
So that was the price. And Paul goes on to paint a beautiful picture of our struggle against the flesh, against the sinful mind and its sinful desires that coexist with the Spirit within us-but we indeed have victory, for we are the children of God through the Holy Spirit we received!
Such suffering! Although we are justified according to the law, though we are adopted into God's family, though we have the Spirit of God-I still suffer so much from the weakness of indulging in my sinful nature. Surely that is where insecurity prowls, in the hearts of those that are controlled by their sinful desires! When I feel so alone, such longing that fills my heart to have fulfillment-and when I am seduced by the thought of going against what I know is the right attitude and approach to be wildly impractical and "romantic"-I am seduced by my sinful nature. Truly verse 6 speaks-The mind controlled by the sinful nature is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Yet this struggle is not the end-oh, praise GOD that this struggle is not the entirety of a poor Christian's existence! NO, there is glory. There is hope. There are all of the intangible but wonderful, glorious gifts that God bestows upon His people!
vs. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
vs. 24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Most of all, we have the promise and the love of God.
We have this awesome promise in Romans 8:28 (one of my life verses) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.
But, more overwhelmingly, we have the love. of. Christ.
We have this divine, unchanging, true love. vs. 35a Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Here I ask, who? Who? Is there any person who can tear us away from Christ's love? Is there any man or woman alive who can claim that they stole Christ's love away from a soul? I'm sure there are those that claim they have, and perhaps they have ensnared some temporarily-but I am continuously reminded that even when we humans are unfaithful, GOD IS FAITHFUL, for He CANNOT DENY HIMSELF. He faithfully loves even when we reject Him for other lovers, and even when we come back beaten, bruised, broken. No soul can ever separate us from the love of Christ. That is...glorious. absolutely glorious.
vs. 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
vs. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Divine love is so absolutely glorious. I cannot find any other adjective in my (rapidly diminishing) English arsenal to describe it, for glory to me captures the highest possible state that God could ever bestow upon His people. Imagine, to be in the presence of the glory of God!
Yet as I ponder divine love, its indestructible nature, its undying connection-I realize in my heart that there is a divine purpose intimately intertwined with this divine love. I realize that Christ's love, yes, it is a beautiful and wonderful promise that is secured for me, for Christians-but it is also a fact for the world. Previously I had been girding myself to go into medical school and to pour myself into becoming the best at my calling (medicine)-but with the view that my classmates are (friendly) rivals, the view that my classmates are ones who I must keep at a distance in order to succeed in my goal.
Yet in light of this divine love, Christ speaks gently but firmly: Dennis, what is my purpose for you? In the words of another medical student friend who I met recently (paraphrased) Christ/Christianity gives me a clear and wonderful purpose that gets me up in the morning every day. Without that I'm not sure I CAN get up!
At the time I wanted to test and ask-so what purpose is that, specifically? Yet I myself had no clear answer other than a vague assent towards 'glorifying God.'
Divine love means that I live for the purpose of connecting lost and lonely souls with the embodiment of that perfect, holy love. Yes, I am to work towards becoming the best at my calling, but more importantly I must approach it with the overriding desire to see my classmates know and experience divine love.
While my inexperience with love has caused my heart to go in all sorts of directions, in Christ's love I find the shelter and security that I need. My heart is still, my soul calm-for my desires have been laid at the feet of a God who loves me with an invincible love.
As I watched the first movie, I was struck by the nature of the relationships-a glance, a touch, a look-and it's over. It's love at first/second/third sight. Yet the underlying premise, the basis, is physical attraction. THAT is what constitutes that "fall in love" part (actually, it is nearly the whole), and the only story that showed a woman sacrificing that physical intimacy for her mentally unstable brother is portrayed as a noble, but infinitely sad and dismal existence compared to the exuberant happiness when that fleeting desire is consummated-and, what is more, celebrated!
And I was confused. In part because I now have a partial understanding of what love is, I could not help but scoff at the notion that relationships are based on such flimsy footing (and roll my eyes when surprise, surprise! they fall apart just as readily).
I brought up this feeling in casual conversation with Jasper, and his reply was-"what do you expect?" What DID I expect?
Did I expect that the world would know anything else but a sweet story of confused individuals mistaking coincidence and lustful glances for lifelong companionship? Did I expect that two friends (in the movie) would realize their deep bond (love?) for one another and feel fulfilled by getting wasted and watching X-rated films together and consider that an 'ultimate' bond of affection?
And I was reminded of the depth of Christ's love, the breadth of true love.
I've been going through Romans, and Romans 8 particularly took my breath away.
First, justification. How did God justify us, how did He deal with the formidable spectre of the law, and the sin that chains us to the hopelessness of condemnation? vs. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the sinful nature, GOD DID by sending His own Son in the likeness of humanity to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in human flesh...
So that was the price. And Paul goes on to paint a beautiful picture of our struggle against the flesh, against the sinful mind and its sinful desires that coexist with the Spirit within us-but we indeed have victory, for we are the children of God through the Holy Spirit we received!
Such suffering! Although we are justified according to the law, though we are adopted into God's family, though we have the Spirit of God-I still suffer so much from the weakness of indulging in my sinful nature. Surely that is where insecurity prowls, in the hearts of those that are controlled by their sinful desires! When I feel so alone, such longing that fills my heart to have fulfillment-and when I am seduced by the thought of going against what I know is the right attitude and approach to be wildly impractical and "romantic"-I am seduced by my sinful nature. Truly verse 6 speaks-The mind controlled by the sinful nature is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Yet this struggle is not the end-oh, praise GOD that this struggle is not the entirety of a poor Christian's existence! NO, there is glory. There is hope. There are all of the intangible but wonderful, glorious gifts that God bestows upon His people!
vs. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
vs. 24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Most of all, we have the promise and the love of God.
We have this awesome promise in Romans 8:28 (one of my life verses) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.
But, more overwhelmingly, we have the love. of. Christ.
We have this divine, unchanging, true love. vs. 35a Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Here I ask, who? Who? Is there any person who can tear us away from Christ's love? Is there any man or woman alive who can claim that they stole Christ's love away from a soul? I'm sure there are those that claim they have, and perhaps they have ensnared some temporarily-but I am continuously reminded that even when we humans are unfaithful, GOD IS FAITHFUL, for He CANNOT DENY HIMSELF. He faithfully loves even when we reject Him for other lovers, and even when we come back beaten, bruised, broken. No soul can ever separate us from the love of Christ. That is...glorious. absolutely glorious.
vs. 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
vs. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Divine love is so absolutely glorious. I cannot find any other adjective in my (rapidly diminishing) English arsenal to describe it, for glory to me captures the highest possible state that God could ever bestow upon His people. Imagine, to be in the presence of the glory of God!
Yet as I ponder divine love, its indestructible nature, its undying connection-I realize in my heart that there is a divine purpose intimately intertwined with this divine love. I realize that Christ's love, yes, it is a beautiful and wonderful promise that is secured for me, for Christians-but it is also a fact for the world. Previously I had been girding myself to go into medical school and to pour myself into becoming the best at my calling (medicine)-but with the view that my classmates are (friendly) rivals, the view that my classmates are ones who I must keep at a distance in order to succeed in my goal.
Yet in light of this divine love, Christ speaks gently but firmly: Dennis, what is my purpose for you? In the words of another medical student friend who I met recently (paraphrased) Christ/Christianity gives me a clear and wonderful purpose that gets me up in the morning every day. Without that I'm not sure I CAN get up!
At the time I wanted to test and ask-so what purpose is that, specifically? Yet I myself had no clear answer other than a vague assent towards 'glorifying God.'
Divine love means that I live for the purpose of connecting lost and lonely souls with the embodiment of that perfect, holy love. Yes, I am to work towards becoming the best at my calling, but more importantly I must approach it with the overriding desire to see my classmates know and experience divine love.
While my inexperience with love has caused my heart to go in all sorts of directions, in Christ's love I find the shelter and security that I need. My heart is still, my soul calm-for my desires have been laid at the feet of a God who loves me with an invincible love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
