med school

Three days into orientation, and I've undergone three stages: first, shock-and-awe. second, slow confusion. third, confidence and assurance.

Shock-and-awe

When I first walked into BCM to the Rayzor Lounge, throngs of students were all milling around-and I didn't know any of them. It was the first day at Rice all over again, except now I was no longer surrounded by new high school grads, lives still relatively unscarred, fresh minds and lives ready to embrace whatever came their way. I realized-I am surrounded by leaders, by mental brilliance, by beings filled and molded by amazing experiences. I am now trying to connect to people whose lives are already occupied with close relationships, and it's really, really hard.
I don't think I got through the first two days without just sitting down, strolling around, or staring into space alone for a long time (about 10 minutes or so max). So THIS is what they call networking!

Slow confusion

And I was completely, utterly confused.
What's the point of knowing name, face, origin...if you're just doing so for future reference? what's the point of knowing common ground...when the reason is just to meet up once or twice just to satiate our need for social interaction? When did relationships become so shallow, with no potential for REAL growth?
We're just all pawns in each others' webs, just acquaintances bound by the same school, and now by the same "experiences." Yet how fragile is that foundation! I feel as if I am literally building on sand. I am constructing shoddy sand castles that melt upon a mere touch.
Yet God blessed me with a fellow brother. Throughout the orientation, I was trying really hard to connect with a Danny who Philip had recommended to me, but he seemed to elude me every. single. time.
I was praying so hard for God to give me some relief, to allow me a conversation that penetrated beneath all that superficiality, a meeting of souls. And He was faithful! On the bus ride back to BCM no less I met a Ben with whom I had the most encouraging and heartfelt conversation. It refreshed me, strengthened me, encouraged me! Surely God is a great God who answers the prayer of His children!
Yet I remained confused. What am I to do in this environment? The world said-conform! Yet of course, God firmly spoke-don't. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind! (Romans 12:2) I struggled with this, especially because in my PRN (orientation) group there was a certain individual who was trying to establish himself as the leader, positioning himself as the one who made decisions for others, who was the 'benefactor'. Of course this disgusted me, especially due to his unwillingness to shoulder the burdens that he thought 'beneath' him, and instead forcing his views upon others. This made things infinitely harder for me to connect with others in the group, because he kept drawing attention to himself! Yet God showed me in that state of confusion that He is sovereign, and spoke to me in this verse in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. Do EVERYTHING IN LOVE.

Confidence and Assurance

So I persevered. And I was able to meet and connect with everyone in our group. How? I begged God for the grace to sustain me, for the grace to shatter my proud heart to serve others. God spoke these words to my heart-to be a man of God. To stand strongly, to sacrifice myself for His glory, and-MOST importantly-to do everything out of an intense, burning passion and love for Christ. Not for my own well-being, so that I'll be better positioned later, or so I'll be a 'better person.' No, there are greater things at stake here! And, of course, a much greater purpose. May God be praised-I am here, called by Christ Himself. May His name receive all glory and honor-I have been entrusted with much, and I will prove faithful in Christ. May His peace ever pervade my soul-I am secure in Him.