med school

Three days into orientation, and I've undergone three stages: first, shock-and-awe. second, slow confusion. third, confidence and assurance.

Shock-and-awe

When I first walked into BCM to the Rayzor Lounge, throngs of students were all milling around-and I didn't know any of them. It was the first day at Rice all over again, except now I was no longer surrounded by new high school grads, lives still relatively unscarred, fresh minds and lives ready to embrace whatever came their way. I realized-I am surrounded by leaders, by mental brilliance, by beings filled and molded by amazing experiences. I am now trying to connect to people whose lives are already occupied with close relationships, and it's really, really hard.
I don't think I got through the first two days without just sitting down, strolling around, or staring into space alone for a long time (about 10 minutes or so max). So THIS is what they call networking!

Slow confusion

And I was completely, utterly confused.
What's the point of knowing name, face, origin...if you're just doing so for future reference? what's the point of knowing common ground...when the reason is just to meet up once or twice just to satiate our need for social interaction? When did relationships become so shallow, with no potential for REAL growth?
We're just all pawns in each others' webs, just acquaintances bound by the same school, and now by the same "experiences." Yet how fragile is that foundation! I feel as if I am literally building on sand. I am constructing shoddy sand castles that melt upon a mere touch.
Yet God blessed me with a fellow brother. Throughout the orientation, I was trying really hard to connect with a Danny who Philip had recommended to me, but he seemed to elude me every. single. time.
I was praying so hard for God to give me some relief, to allow me a conversation that penetrated beneath all that superficiality, a meeting of souls. And He was faithful! On the bus ride back to BCM no less I met a Ben with whom I had the most encouraging and heartfelt conversation. It refreshed me, strengthened me, encouraged me! Surely God is a great God who answers the prayer of His children!
Yet I remained confused. What am I to do in this environment? The world said-conform! Yet of course, God firmly spoke-don't. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind! (Romans 12:2) I struggled with this, especially because in my PRN (orientation) group there was a certain individual who was trying to establish himself as the leader, positioning himself as the one who made decisions for others, who was the 'benefactor'. Of course this disgusted me, especially due to his unwillingness to shoulder the burdens that he thought 'beneath' him, and instead forcing his views upon others. This made things infinitely harder for me to connect with others in the group, because he kept drawing attention to himself! Yet God showed me in that state of confusion that He is sovereign, and spoke to me in this verse in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. Do EVERYTHING IN LOVE.

Confidence and Assurance

So I persevered. And I was able to meet and connect with everyone in our group. How? I begged God for the grace to sustain me, for the grace to shatter my proud heart to serve others. God spoke these words to my heart-to be a man of God. To stand strongly, to sacrifice myself for His glory, and-MOST importantly-to do everything out of an intense, burning passion and love for Christ. Not for my own well-being, so that I'll be better positioned later, or so I'll be a 'better person.' No, there are greater things at stake here! And, of course, a much greater purpose. May God be praised-I am here, called by Christ Himself. May His name receive all glory and honor-I have been entrusted with much, and I will prove faithful in Christ. May His peace ever pervade my soul-I am secure in Him.

Taipei farewell

For the first time in a while, I savored (or, more accurately, contemplated) the sights of Taipei-in particular, the sky. I couldn't help but think that during these six weeks (approx) I've only really taken the time to step back, hold my breath, and just let my mind feel with my heart. No objective, no background planning on what to do next-just allowing my entire being resonate with this place, this particular time.

Towers of glass and steel, the multitude of lights of all shapes and sizes, signs and images, advertisements and the incessant reminder of time-this is the city.

Yet what makes the city beautiful?

After coming back from a German-themed lunch, catching the last song in a free concert for up-and-coming artist [something] Chou, and then fielding questions and bravely enduring the smothering love of my dear Little Aunt and Uncle...I was rushing, rushing from the Ximen MRT station to the 307 bus stop-and then, I heard it.

My ears caught the plaintive, heartlifting melody of the erhu. My mind abruptly halted the planning and goalsetting and cataloguing all the things that had happened the past 24 hours-just to listen.

The city is where human expression finds its audience most readily. The city is where one can become jaded to the masses of immortal beings that stream past us on a daily basis, yet it provides the outlet for that one soul to pour out its longings and thoughts and be appreciated by those who stop and listen. This city has shown me the preciousness, the beauty, and the inevitable limitations of humanness.



Family-I now know the lives of my cousins and aunts/uncles on an intimate level. I know the lives of my friends when they are most vulnerable (or most powerful, as the case may be)-when they are at home. I have touched the souls of my kin, and have for the first time felt the cold fear of eternal separation grip my heart. My prayers as a kid always were systematic: from oldest aunt to youngest cousin, every day we'd give up halfhearted, innocently feeble prayers for their lives. Yet now I see the horrific damage of a lack of prayer warriors. I feel their blindness, yet am helpless to undo what years of aimless wandering and toxic lukewarm faith have done to their view of Christ. Oh, may God have mercy on my family!



Faith-My heart has been strengthened by so many beautiful demonstrations of God's grace in my life, so many spiritual lessons to prepare my heart for medical school. God demonstrates most by using His body, and I've been tremendously blessed to meet three wonderful brothers and sisters during my time in Asia who have spoken life into my soul. (by divine providence, they're all med students!) Climbing a mountain behind zhen da in Taipei with two of my cousins gave me renewed praise in my heart for God's creation-we saw so many butterflies, spiders, cicadas...the mountains were teeming with life!

Myself-I can now more deeply appreciate the fullness of my blessings. Surely God has been good to me, in more ways than I could ever hope for or imagine! Only after I have left home do I appreciate the person God has molded me to become-and have confidence that He will bring His work in me to completion according to His plan. I realized for the first time what it means for my heart to leap, to ache, to be given away. It's a scary experience, and one that I'm still grappling with even now.

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I just came back from surfing. man, that was a spectacular, mindblowing experience! Yet much, much harder than the hype. riding the waves-yet the key is this: to not grasp the board or to try and control your "balance," but rather to feel the waves, to literally go with the flow (of course with the correct form, plastered on the board). now I know why surfers are so chill!