Monday, November 16, 2009

How great is our God

God is great.

How often I've said these words, often with a tinge of a spiritual high, a hint of thrill traveling down my spine. Hands in the air, face upturned, the full worship band harmonizing. Yet, do I really worship and give honor to the God who is the LORD of the universe? Do I truly see Him for the awesomeness that He embodies, the complete divinity of His being?

No.

No.

No.

I don't.

I don't see Him beyond my selfish view of my perceived future. I don't see Him beyond the jealousy at others. I don't see Him past the blinds of the next week, the next test, the next meeting.
I don't see Him as the awesome Creator-I don't see Him as GOD. To ponder-what is God? Have I allowed my view of God to a tiny, contained speck of His true glory?
I remember climbing a waterfall with Kenneth, Karen, and Sarah in Peru, and as we were shimmying up the rope (with no safeties) I marveled at the raw beauty and awesomeness of what we beheld. I remember climbing to the top of Waynapicchu and being arrested by the sea of mist and mountains as far as the eye could see. I remember the perfection of green and blue on the hill as we descended the valley to the thermal baths. I remember them not only because of the fuzzy feelings and warm memories; I remember them because they struck me with the awesomeness of God as Creator. On our climb up the waterfall, I remarked to Sarah, "How can people see things like this and NOT praise God? How can they say, 'what an interesting result of millennia of evolution'?"
And now, I have gradually been making God into this personal genie holding the keys to my future medical school. I've been praying, meditating, and listening-but with my eyes and ears trained on a singular goal, a wretched prize. With this, I have focused my eyes on a profession too often filled with oversized egos and overweening pride. How often have I heard the none-too-subtle arrogance with every interview from a prestigious school; how often have the polite questions about acceptances demanded answers with devouring eyes and wry smile.
Too often we try to hide our insecurities, or boast in the most surreptitious way.

In the process, I have forgotten the greatness of God.

By coming before Him with my heart set on this worthless goal, I have negated the fact that I live for God-not that God exists for me!

I was created for this awesome, mindblowing, eternal presence. I was created so that at His approach I would be like Job.

Job 42:3-6

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

4 "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'

5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes."

I repent. I come before God again, broken, a man who lives not for his own glory, but for the glory of the one true God.

Monday, November 9, 2009

glory and joy

1 Thessalonians 1:19 For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you?
20 Indeed you are our glory and joy.

What touches my heart is the sweet, intimate fellowship with my brothers and sisters here. now.
How beautiful it is! How wonderfully marvelous! The wholeness, the culmination of my lunches, dinners, outdoor talks at the Broch, powerful and intimate cell groups, post-cell group silliness and hilarity, devastating-yet-encouraging prayer, dear, dear disciples...

You are my glory and joy.