Hello, "no". Or, a nicely packaged and primly placed "we received a number of strong applications, but..."
Rejection is quite disconcerting. Especially when you think that you don't deserve it. While I can fume and fret and just agonize over a rejection, I think it's actually the most meaningful answer to receive. I haven't received many negatives in my time in college, and the memory of dreaming-thinking-trembling-ohmygosh-GAH! has left. Instead, I have the solid backing of success in my time here, where every door was opened, every program successful, and every endeavor fruitful.
But the biggest lesson here is: I forgot who gave this to me. I forgot that it was God who made this stubborn, prideful, self-conscious heart. I forgot that He gave these to me freely, and was present every step of the way. I have become so mired in my success that I cannot hear the voice of God anymore. Rather, I have become a despicably "entitled" persona-one who feels as if everything should come because of past successes.
It is not past success, but present passion and future greatness that are most important. I guess that's what "sitting on your laurels" really means. If I were a Nobel laureate and already had all the funding I needed just by signing a grant proposal, would I endlessly receive huge sums? Well, yes and no. I would at first because of the prodigious honor, but if I did not continuously hone my passion and mind so that I "graduated" from the past, eventually the money would stop rolling in. If I do not put my successes in the past now, there will be nothing for me in the future.
All this, and God is omnipresent. He is here, in my life-whether I honor Him, reject Him, or dishonor Him. In Sunday School, one of the young adults had quite the epiphany-that God's constancy is so amazing simply because He will never negate Himself, while fickle humanity vacillates from one end to the other. I have forgotten that this cell group is not my own, nor is it my creation-it is God's! These people do not follow me, as if I were some great teacher-but Christ living in me. They do not need me to take care of them; God is sovereign and omnipotent, and will work in their lives with or without my presence!
Similarly, the volunteer world (in the most formal sense) at Rice University is fine without me-in some ways, I am merely a hindrance. If I were awarded a spot on the Rice Service Council, I think I would impede progress-simply because my heart motives were not right in the first place.
Come to think of it, God has really revealed the paramount importance of heart motive in anything that I do. Whenever it has been flawed or tainted, God has forced me to relinquish it, or has pried it from my hands. Whether it be courses that I take "just to get a good grade," positions or internships that I apply to "because I think I can/deserve to get it," professors whose recommendations I court "because they've written good ones in the past,' or even projects done simply because I "think I could do it well." The common thread: my motives were based on a sense of self-entitlement, self-power, and self-direction. And yet, so many people around me do the same things, and come out in spades. Why is the opposite true for me?
I know that it is because I know God, I love Him, and I am His servant. For me to serve Him well, I need to be pure in heart, and second in my life. My life is no longer mine; today I was reading this awesome passage in Philippians 2
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had:
Who, being in the very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a human being,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death--
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Christ Himself humbled Himself for the glory of God the Father. Yet, that allowed Him to be exalted and glorified above all else! I have been seeking glory for myself too much this year-it is time to look away from me and to others. God pierces my heart with His sword-may I be obedient to His calling.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I love Britishers. or, non-specific Englishmen.
From the BBC:
The mechanics of tipping US-style
By: Kevin Connolly, BBC Correspondent
Paying something extra to the person who has provided you with a service is common in the US, but working out who gets a tip and how much can be confusing, as Kevin Connolly reveals.
Hi. My name is Kevin and I am going to be your reporter today.
I will be offering you a very long extended metaphor. How would you like that - well done, or really, really overdone?
While you are choosing, maybe I could bring you some adjectives - rhadamanthine, mellifluous, torpid, porcine. We have got them all.
And if, when our business is done and I have brought you a couple of adverbs speedily and obligingly, you feel moved to leave me some small financial consideration then we will both be richer.
I will actually be richer, and you will have been given, well, the opportunity to give.
Now, I know you have already paid me to write this, but this is not about the overall deal. It is about you and me and the relationship we have been building up over the last 45 seconds.
Do you not remember those adjectives?
Superior service
The world really starts to look like a different place when you spend a few months exposed to the world of American service with the laser-beam intensity of its hurried charm.
Americans think it is the most natural thing in the world to pay for a service, at the point where you receive it, person-to-person.
First, they reason, it keeps whoever is doing the serving on their toes.
Your French Toast will be Frencher, your upside-down cake more comprehensively inverted when someone knows their income depends on it.
There is something in that, by the way. I have waited half an hour for a receipt in communist Poland while watching two young waiters playing football with a polystyrene cup.
And it is widely recognised that most people working in the service industries in America are underpaid by their employer on the assumption that you will be taking up the slack when it comes to tip time.
Whenever I object that this system means that almost every transaction you undertake in America is booby-trapped with social awkwardness, I am shouted down.
'Kind of journey'
Everyone knows, I am assured, the scale of charges.
A dollar for a doorman, $2 (£1.40) for a shoe-shine or a taxi-driver, double the sales tax for a server in a cafe, $1 for a drink in a bar, 20% in a full-service restaurant and so on.
But there is of course very little logic to the whole business of who we tip and who we do not.
Obviously, no-one slips their heart surgeon or airline pilot something a little extra at the end of an operation or a flight, because they earn too much for that to make sense. But why tip a waiter and not a shop assistant?
Or the driver of a taxi, but not the driver of a bus?
It is probably because historically there were certain transactions only open to the rich, including having your hair cut by someone who was not a blood relation and going to a restaurant.
And if it were as simple as that, I would be happy enough, but of course it is not.
Any server worth their salt is going to try to persuade you that the two of you have been on a kind of journey together through your meal which can only be properly consummated with cash.
Sometimes if you are British this will begin with a moment of awkwardness.
A young man in Jackson, Mississippi, once recognised my accent: "Like the Beatles, right?" he said and asked nervously if I knew about "the tipping thing".
I confirmed that rumours of it had reached our side of the Atlantic, but had been received with widespread disbelief.
Often a server will squat on their haunches to give them eye contact as they would with a recalcitrant toddler and then act as though you are co-conspirators in a plot to give you a heart attack: "Have we saved room for dessert?"
It is not confined to the restaurant trade either. I know a hotel in Manhattan which employs a team of doormen to get your cases from taxi to lobby.
They work in the manner of medieval peasants passing buckets of water from hand to hand to fight a fire. The idea is that you are meant to tip each of them, although of course it would be cheaper to buy new suitcases and clothes after checking in.
Avoiding disfavour
And to me there is something un-American at the heart of the whole idea of tipping.
Think back to the restaurant. It does not take any more effort or skill to serve a $10 bottle of wine than it does to serve one that costs 100. Multiplying the service charge by 10 is a kind of a private, self-imposed wealth tax, rather than a tip.
And yet somehow when the bill appears, most of us, most of the time, do add that little something, or indeed that rather substantial something, all to avoid the fleeting disfavour of someone whose professional charm has passed briefly over us like intermittent illumination from a distant lighthouse.
Not me of course.
I really feel we have been on a journey together here and I hope you do too.
So if there is no other part of speech I can bring you, a last thought-provoking compound adjective for instance, I will leave you.
You have an outstanding day now!
From the BBC:
The mechanics of tipping US-style
By: Kevin Connolly, BBC Correspondent
Paying something extra to the person who has provided you with a service is common in the US, but working out who gets a tip and how much can be confusing, as Kevin Connolly reveals.
Hi. My name is Kevin and I am going to be your reporter today.
I will be offering you a very long extended metaphor. How would you like that - well done, or really, really overdone?
While you are choosing, maybe I could bring you some adjectives - rhadamanthine, mellifluous, torpid, porcine. We have got them all.
And if, when our business is done and I have brought you a couple of adverbs speedily and obligingly, you feel moved to leave me some small financial consideration then we will both be richer.
I will actually be richer, and you will have been given, well, the opportunity to give.
Now, I know you have already paid me to write this, but this is not about the overall deal. It is about you and me and the relationship we have been building up over the last 45 seconds.
Do you not remember those adjectives?
Superior service
The world really starts to look like a different place when you spend a few months exposed to the world of American service with the laser-beam intensity of its hurried charm.
Americans think it is the most natural thing in the world to pay for a service, at the point where you receive it, person-to-person.
First, they reason, it keeps whoever is doing the serving on their toes.
Your French Toast will be Frencher, your upside-down cake more comprehensively inverted when someone knows their income depends on it.
There is something in that, by the way. I have waited half an hour for a receipt in communist Poland while watching two young waiters playing football with a polystyrene cup.
And it is widely recognised that most people working in the service industries in America are underpaid by their employer on the assumption that you will be taking up the slack when it comes to tip time.
Whenever I object that this system means that almost every transaction you undertake in America is booby-trapped with social awkwardness, I am shouted down.
'Kind of journey'
Everyone knows, I am assured, the scale of charges.
A dollar for a doorman, $2 (£1.40) for a shoe-shine or a taxi-driver, double the sales tax for a server in a cafe, $1 for a drink in a bar, 20% in a full-service restaurant and so on.
But there is of course very little logic to the whole business of who we tip and who we do not.
Obviously, no-one slips their heart surgeon or airline pilot something a little extra at the end of an operation or a flight, because they earn too much for that to make sense. But why tip a waiter and not a shop assistant?
Or the driver of a taxi, but not the driver of a bus?
It is probably because historically there were certain transactions only open to the rich, including having your hair cut by someone who was not a blood relation and going to a restaurant.
And if it were as simple as that, I would be happy enough, but of course it is not.
Any server worth their salt is going to try to persuade you that the two of you have been on a kind of journey together through your meal which can only be properly consummated with cash.
Sometimes if you are British this will begin with a moment of awkwardness.
A young man in Jackson, Mississippi, once recognised my accent: "Like the Beatles, right?" he said and asked nervously if I knew about "the tipping thing".
I confirmed that rumours of it had reached our side of the Atlantic, but had been received with widespread disbelief.
Often a server will squat on their haunches to give them eye contact as they would with a recalcitrant toddler and then act as though you are co-conspirators in a plot to give you a heart attack: "Have we saved room for dessert?"
It is not confined to the restaurant trade either. I know a hotel in Manhattan which employs a team of doormen to get your cases from taxi to lobby.
They work in the manner of medieval peasants passing buckets of water from hand to hand to fight a fire. The idea is that you are meant to tip each of them, although of course it would be cheaper to buy new suitcases and clothes after checking in.
Avoiding disfavour
And to me there is something un-American at the heart of the whole idea of tipping.
Think back to the restaurant. It does not take any more effort or skill to serve a $10 bottle of wine than it does to serve one that costs 100. Multiplying the service charge by 10 is a kind of a private, self-imposed wealth tax, rather than a tip.
And yet somehow when the bill appears, most of us, most of the time, do add that little something, or indeed that rather substantial something, all to avoid the fleeting disfavour of someone whose professional charm has passed briefly over us like intermittent illumination from a distant lighthouse.
Not me of course.
I really feel we have been on a journey together here and I hope you do too.
So if there is no other part of speech I can bring you, a last thought-provoking compound adjective for instance, I will leave you.
You have an outstanding day now!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Romans 12
Romans 12 is now my favorite chapter of the Bible. God's words pierce into the very heart of what I struggle with-finding joy in Christ. Not just the preservation of personal happiness, but the joy rooted in hope
Romans 12
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
I could go on, but these first four verses just blew me away with the conviction that I have been slowly descending into the depths of conformation with the world. It may seem akin to peer pressure or dismissed as a hackneyed phrase, but it is quite possible to be absorbed into the feel0good, self-satisfying, and self-preserving mentality that pervades the world. One thing that struck me during the CGIU conference this past weekend was the waning of my passion. One or two months before I would be absolutely ecstatic and enthusiastic about the ways God is using me in the volunteer and fellowship activities. I would not be able to contain my passion. Now, I find myself saying things without conviction-rather, my words carry across a hint of arrogance and pride. I find the loathsome reality that my passion is being swallowed by the world's applause and recognition. We're the ones who are going to "change the world," to use our efforts for the "good of humankind," the "noble" ones who forsake our own lives for the embetterment of others, etcetera etcetera et...what?
What is the true goal of this? Is it to pat each other on the back for our "outstanding" achievement? Is it to impress everyone we meet with our "selflessness"? Or is it the ultimate gesture of selfishness-that we would parade our efforts and our so-called "passions" before the world so that we would receive more credit, honor, and glory?
Of course it depends from person to person, and I can almost envision someone's arguing voice saying "You can't generalize that!" But I have to look into these acts and go to the heart motive: if you are not Christian, what is the end goal? It is quite evident that it is the self-satisfaction that you have made a difference in others' lives. There's nothing wrong with that. But what happens when you fail? What happens when the success stories don't come your way?
Then you have nothing.
You didn't make a difference.
What then?
You were ineffective.
What then?
For the Christian, it is: praise God, for even if I see nothing-I persevere for His sake. Even if I die before I see anything, it is for His sake. His will and eternal glory never fades, even when my efforts fail and my life is drained of its energy.
Romans 12
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
I could go on, but these first four verses just blew me away with the conviction that I have been slowly descending into the depths of conformation with the world. It may seem akin to peer pressure or dismissed as a hackneyed phrase, but it is quite possible to be absorbed into the feel0good, self-satisfying, and self-preserving mentality that pervades the world. One thing that struck me during the CGIU conference this past weekend was the waning of my passion. One or two months before I would be absolutely ecstatic and enthusiastic about the ways God is using me in the volunteer and fellowship activities. I would not be able to contain my passion. Now, I find myself saying things without conviction-rather, my words carry across a hint of arrogance and pride. I find the loathsome reality that my passion is being swallowed by the world's applause and recognition. We're the ones who are going to "change the world," to use our efforts for the "good of humankind," the "noble" ones who forsake our own lives for the embetterment of others, etcetera etcetera et...what?
What is the true goal of this? Is it to pat each other on the back for our "outstanding" achievement? Is it to impress everyone we meet with our "selflessness"? Or is it the ultimate gesture of selfishness-that we would parade our efforts and our so-called "passions" before the world so that we would receive more credit, honor, and glory?
Of course it depends from person to person, and I can almost envision someone's arguing voice saying "You can't generalize that!" But I have to look into these acts and go to the heart motive: if you are not Christian, what is the end goal? It is quite evident that it is the self-satisfaction that you have made a difference in others' lives. There's nothing wrong with that. But what happens when you fail? What happens when the success stories don't come your way?
Then you have nothing.
You didn't make a difference.
What then?
You were ineffective.
What then?
For the Christian, it is: praise God, for even if I see nothing-I persevere for His sake. Even if I die before I see anything, it is for His sake. His will and eternal glory never fades, even when my efforts fail and my life is drained of its energy.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Indispensable?
Tired, exhausted, destroyed.
I feel like I am being tested from every angle, that my efforts have all been in vain.
For the small group meeting today, I basically went to the bathroom and, as I was washing my hands, was just crushed by an overwhelming sense of fatigue and sadness. Why?
I don't take rejection very well. Especially when my time is invested. It's like the first meeting that we had of Step Ahead, where we had all the tutors lined up and ready-and then nobody came.
The fact that there are people to whom I yearn to reach out, yet am constrained by commitments such as these-it makes me extremely angry and frustrated when others take it for granted. They assume that I will always be there-patient, loving, caring. Even with the devoted one and half hours, can they just ignore the sacrifice of the same amount of time spent in earnest prayer and preparation?
My human side screams foul. It denounces them with a sharp, bitter anger and smoldering resentment. How dare they take me for granted? What if I suddenly disappeared from their lives? Would it be any different?
And then, the anger becomes sadness. Have I lost my touch with God? Has He forsaken me?
How come I spend the hours before seeking His will and His direction, what He wants to reveal to His sons-and then nothing comes out? Everyone disappears without a trace, without any notification.
But I know that God is faithful. I remember 2 Timothy 2:13 If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.
God will never stop being faithful, even when other people or myself prove faithless. When I felt the burden of failure and of perceived rejection...but as I was walking through the mao mao rain...I looked up and realized-God will take care of them.
God is faithful. He will grow these guys to be leaders, to be servants in His kingdom. and here was the key: with or without me.
I am dispensable. I am merely His vessel, His servant. I can fail in everything EXCEPT in my recognition of God's faithfulness! I must have faith with faithfulness, and be consistent in my service and walk with Him, but ultimately I trust in HIS truth, and HIS will.
Is this ministry called "Dennis's" ministry? Does it have the marks of one man's vision? NO. It has a divine, all-encompassing vision that engulfs time itself. It is divine, it demands my service. I submit myself to Him regardless of the consequences, regardless of the results. I am His saved, His sheep, His son. May I never forget this.
I feel like I am being tested from every angle, that my efforts have all been in vain.
For the small group meeting today, I basically went to the bathroom and, as I was washing my hands, was just crushed by an overwhelming sense of fatigue and sadness. Why?
I don't take rejection very well. Especially when my time is invested. It's like the first meeting that we had of Step Ahead, where we had all the tutors lined up and ready-and then nobody came.
The fact that there are people to whom I yearn to reach out, yet am constrained by commitments such as these-it makes me extremely angry and frustrated when others take it for granted. They assume that I will always be there-patient, loving, caring. Even with the devoted one and half hours, can they just ignore the sacrifice of the same amount of time spent in earnest prayer and preparation?
My human side screams foul. It denounces them with a sharp, bitter anger and smoldering resentment. How dare they take me for granted? What if I suddenly disappeared from their lives? Would it be any different?
And then, the anger becomes sadness. Have I lost my touch with God? Has He forsaken me?
How come I spend the hours before seeking His will and His direction, what He wants to reveal to His sons-and then nothing comes out? Everyone disappears without a trace, without any notification.
But I know that God is faithful. I remember 2 Timothy 2:13 If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.
God will never stop being faithful, even when other people or myself prove faithless. When I felt the burden of failure and of perceived rejection...but as I was walking through the mao mao rain...I looked up and realized-God will take care of them.
God is faithful. He will grow these guys to be leaders, to be servants in His kingdom. and here was the key: with or without me.
I am dispensable. I am merely His vessel, His servant. I can fail in everything EXCEPT in my recognition of God's faithfulness! I must have faith with faithfulness, and be consistent in my service and walk with Him, but ultimately I trust in HIS truth, and HIS will.
Is this ministry called "Dennis's" ministry? Does it have the marks of one man's vision? NO. It has a divine, all-encompassing vision that engulfs time itself. It is divine, it demands my service. I submit myself to Him regardless of the consequences, regardless of the results. I am His saved, His sheep, His son. May I never forget this.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I realized just now that my latin is incorrect.
Apparently, it's Soli Deo Gloria. my internet sources lied to me.
Today, I felt so lethargic...like everything was going by in a blur. I yearn to spend time with the One who satisfies, the One who gives me the joy and life that I need!
Sometimes (like today) my heart sinks at the prospect of facing the enormous tasks set before me...and the many tasks start to burden and oppress me. Yet I just have to look to the sky-to the Lord above-or into my heart, where His name is written-and I am completely blown away.
My little credentials, my ambitions, my vices, my virtues-what is that in context to eternity? How can this compare to the Almighty, awesome God?
When I see the blessings that He has bestowed upon our fellowship, I am not just thankful-I'm blown-away-thankful. The reason that we love each other, the reason that we "hang out" is not necessarily just personal attraction; it's GOD! Out of His wisdom and love, He gave us the sweet fellowship and spiritual intimacy that we enjoy. My hope and my prayer is that our fellowship would not become stagnant, and begin to seek human relationships above divine ones!
Many times, my personal insecurity stems from this: rejecting the relationship with God as insufficient for my needs, and rather trying to plug this hole with others: other friends, other people. He is all I need. He must be all I need. For me to glorify Him, I need to love Him more than anything else: my friends, my family, even my future spouse.
Can I say that with certainty?
Certainly...not. Honestly, I am by nature quite insecure-especially when my attempts for friendship fail. Yet, in that weakness I cry out to my Abba, Father, who loves me and whose Presence time and again reassures me of this uncontainable, holy love.
I cannot understate how God has used others to encourage me, and me to encourage others. I know that with God's heart, I can see the pain and the sorrow, the loneliness and the wayward heart of those people around me. BUT what do I do? Do I go and try to ease the pain? Do I touch their lives to heal them?
My natural reaction is YES! They need it! I'll go right now!
But God says...NO. Wait on my timing. Listen to me. I will use you according to My will, so that you cannot claim even a modicum of glory.
Apparently, it's Soli Deo Gloria. my internet sources lied to me.
Today, I felt so lethargic...like everything was going by in a blur. I yearn to spend time with the One who satisfies, the One who gives me the joy and life that I need!
Sometimes (like today) my heart sinks at the prospect of facing the enormous tasks set before me...and the many tasks start to burden and oppress me. Yet I just have to look to the sky-to the Lord above-or into my heart, where His name is written-and I am completely blown away.
My little credentials, my ambitions, my vices, my virtues-what is that in context to eternity? How can this compare to the Almighty, awesome God?
When I see the blessings that He has bestowed upon our fellowship, I am not just thankful-I'm blown-away-thankful. The reason that we love each other, the reason that we "hang out" is not necessarily just personal attraction; it's GOD! Out of His wisdom and love, He gave us the sweet fellowship and spiritual intimacy that we enjoy. My hope and my prayer is that our fellowship would not become stagnant, and begin to seek human relationships above divine ones!
Many times, my personal insecurity stems from this: rejecting the relationship with God as insufficient for my needs, and rather trying to plug this hole with others: other friends, other people. He is all I need. He must be all I need. For me to glorify Him, I need to love Him more than anything else: my friends, my family, even my future spouse.
Can I say that with certainty?
Certainly...not. Honestly, I am by nature quite insecure-especially when my attempts for friendship fail. Yet, in that weakness I cry out to my Abba, Father, who loves me and whose Presence time and again reassures me of this uncontainable, holy love.
I cannot understate how God has used others to encourage me, and me to encourage others. I know that with God's heart, I can see the pain and the sorrow, the loneliness and the wayward heart of those people around me. BUT what do I do? Do I go and try to ease the pain? Do I touch their lives to heal them?
My natural reaction is YES! They need it! I'll go right now!
But God says...NO. Wait on my timing. Listen to me. I will use you according to My will, so that you cannot claim even a modicum of glory.
Isaiah 64:1-9
1 Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before you!
2 As when fire sets twigs ablaze
and causes water to boil,
come down to make your name known to your enemies
and cause the nations to quake before you!
3 For when you did awesome things that we did not expect,
you came down, and the mountains trembled before you.
4 Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.
5 You come to the help of those who gladly do right,
who remember your ways.
But when we continued to sin against them,
you were angry.
How then can we be saved?
6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
7 No one calls on your name
or strives to lay hold of you;
for you have hidden your face from us
and made us waste away because of our sins.
8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
9 Do not be angry beyond measure, O LORD;
do not remember our sins forever.
Oh, look upon us, we pray,
for we are all your people.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Praise God! tonight's Education Panel was a success :-D
I was so encouraged and motivated to work towards a better future-but specifically in touching lives. What carried the panel tonight was the plethora of stories-of individuals who loved and, after a prolonged struggle between a mistrusting and calloused heart versus uncompromising, unwavering dedication-saw the hard-earned fruit of hope and love of learning. How one child can be changed; how the young are molded; how life's direction shifts radically after just one compassionate, "positive" person enters in and takes a stand. How recognizable is this story! Isn't this the story of every person, every sinner, who looks at God and says: Why do you love me? Why do you care so much? I don't mean anything to you. I can't do anything for you. Yet, here you are...and you sacrifice everything just so that I could be with you, so that I could have a glimpse of heaven and taste of your infinite glory. WHY?! Why do you not give up?
And blessed are those who turn and respond, saying: YES, I know that You love me, and I LOVE YOU. To show my gratitude for your love, I will turn and strengthen my brothers, who are also in your love. I will be like that ten-year-old, who once assured of his teacher believing in him, encouraged and exhorted the entire class to greater heights. He is unlike someone who dismisses this as foolishness-that this person's crazy, that this type of love and affection is contrived and never existed-or, worse, takes this love and hoards it for himself, always taking from God and never loving Him back by reaching out to others. Instead, he gives because he has received what has been freely given.
Praise God, Praise God, Praise God.
I was so encouraged and motivated to work towards a better future-but specifically in touching lives. What carried the panel tonight was the plethora of stories-of individuals who loved and, after a prolonged struggle between a mistrusting and calloused heart versus uncompromising, unwavering dedication-saw the hard-earned fruit of hope and love of learning. How one child can be changed; how the young are molded; how life's direction shifts radically after just one compassionate, "positive" person enters in and takes a stand. How recognizable is this story! Isn't this the story of every person, every sinner, who looks at God and says: Why do you love me? Why do you care so much? I don't mean anything to you. I can't do anything for you. Yet, here you are...and you sacrifice everything just so that I could be with you, so that I could have a glimpse of heaven and taste of your infinite glory. WHY?! Why do you not give up?
And blessed are those who turn and respond, saying: YES, I know that You love me, and I LOVE YOU. To show my gratitude for your love, I will turn and strengthen my brothers, who are also in your love. I will be like that ten-year-old, who once assured of his teacher believing in him, encouraged and exhorted the entire class to greater heights. He is unlike someone who dismisses this as foolishness-that this person's crazy, that this type of love and affection is contrived and never existed-or, worse, takes this love and hoards it for himself, always taking from God and never loving Him back by reaching out to others. Instead, he gives because he has received what has been freely given.
Praise God, Praise God, Praise God.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Today I have not felt more frustrated with myself.
A litany of failed attempts and veiled insecurities...along with a generous helping of gloom. Is this depression?
I am tempted to say, "I am being tested." I have been targeted because of what I have been doing for the Lord. Yet, is that the entire picture? Am I simply a noble martyr who suffers in silence?
A resounding NO. Would that I could glory in my suffering (in this case, publicize how awful life has been), and come across as a whining, sniveling child? Or will I rejoice in my suffering, knowing that the LORD has already claimed victory? I praise God for today, tomorrow, the rest of my life. Although I cannot control the events that happen, I can look to Jesus Christ for sustenance and life. Amidst the chaos, He gives me the peace and joy...that goes to hope overflowing through the strength and power of His Spirit.
Yet something I have begun to ponder is the question about why the cross is such a stumbling block for so many. Paul addresses it in his letter to the Corinthians, in 1 Corinthians 1:18
For the message of the cross is foolishness to us who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God
The cross? As foolishness? This requires a bit of thought. What is the "message of the cross"? How could the Jews, who wanted miracles, and the Gentiles, who wanted wisdom, throw this away?
A litany of failed attempts and veiled insecurities...along with a generous helping of gloom. Is this depression?
I am tempted to say, "I am being tested." I have been targeted because of what I have been doing for the Lord. Yet, is that the entire picture? Am I simply a noble martyr who suffers in silence?
A resounding NO. Would that I could glory in my suffering (in this case, publicize how awful life has been), and come across as a whining, sniveling child? Or will I rejoice in my suffering, knowing that the LORD has already claimed victory? I praise God for today, tomorrow, the rest of my life. Although I cannot control the events that happen, I can look to Jesus Christ for sustenance and life. Amidst the chaos, He gives me the peace and joy...that goes to hope overflowing through the strength and power of His Spirit.
Yet something I have begun to ponder is the question about why the cross is such a stumbling block for so many. Paul addresses it in his letter to the Corinthians, in 1 Corinthians 1:18
For the message of the cross is foolishness to us who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God
The cross? As foolishness? This requires a bit of thought. What is the "message of the cross"? How could the Jews, who wanted miracles, and the Gentiles, who wanted wisdom, throw this away?
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