Three days into orientation, and I've undergone three stages: first, shock-and-awe. second, slow confusion. third, confidence and assurance.
Shock-and-awe
When I first walked into BCM to the Rayzor Lounge, throngs of students were all milling around-and I didn't know any of them. It was the first day at Rice all over again, except now I was no longer surrounded by new high school grads, lives still relatively unscarred, fresh minds and lives ready to embrace whatever came their way. I realized-I am surrounded by leaders, by mental brilliance, by beings filled and molded by amazing experiences. I am now trying to connect to people whose lives are already occupied with close relationships, and it's really, really hard.
I don't think I got through the first two days without just sitting down, strolling around, or staring into space alone for a long time (about 10 minutes or so max). So THIS is what they call networking!
Slow confusion
And I was completely, utterly confused.
What's the point of knowing name, face, origin...if you're just doing so for future reference? what's the point of knowing common ground...when the reason is just to meet up once or twice just to satiate our need for social interaction? When did relationships become so shallow, with no potential for REAL growth?
We're just all pawns in each others' webs, just acquaintances bound by the same school, and now by the same "experiences." Yet how fragile is that foundation! I feel as if I am literally building on sand. I am constructing shoddy sand castles that melt upon a mere touch.
Yet God blessed me with a fellow brother. Throughout the orientation, I was trying really hard to connect with a Danny who Philip had recommended to me, but he seemed to elude me every. single. time.
I was praying so hard for God to give me some relief, to allow me a conversation that penetrated beneath all that superficiality, a meeting of souls. And He was faithful! On the bus ride back to BCM no less I met a Ben with whom I had the most encouraging and heartfelt conversation. It refreshed me, strengthened me, encouraged me! Surely God is a great God who answers the prayer of His children!
Yet I remained confused. What am I to do in this environment? The world said-conform! Yet of course, God firmly spoke-don't. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind! (Romans 12:2) I struggled with this, especially because in my PRN (orientation) group there was a certain individual who was trying to establish himself as the leader, positioning himself as the one who made decisions for others, who was the 'benefactor'. Of course this disgusted me, especially due to his unwillingness to shoulder the burdens that he thought 'beneath' him, and instead forcing his views upon others. This made things infinitely harder for me to connect with others in the group, because he kept drawing attention to himself! Yet God showed me in that state of confusion that He is sovereign, and spoke to me in this verse in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. Do EVERYTHING IN LOVE.
Confidence and Assurance
So I persevered. And I was able to meet and connect with everyone in our group. How? I begged God for the grace to sustain me, for the grace to shatter my proud heart to serve others. God spoke these words to my heart-to be a man of God. To stand strongly, to sacrifice myself for His glory, and-MOST importantly-to do everything out of an intense, burning passion and love for Christ. Not for my own well-being, so that I'll be better positioned later, or so I'll be a 'better person.' No, there are greater things at stake here! And, of course, a much greater purpose. May God be praised-I am here, called by Christ Himself. May His name receive all glory and honor-I have been entrusted with much, and I will prove faithful in Christ. May His peace ever pervade my soul-I am secure in Him.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Taipei farewell
For the first time in a while, I savored (or, more accurately, contemplated) the sights of Taipei-in particular, the sky. I couldn't help but think that during these six weeks (approx) I've only really taken the time to step back, hold my breath, and just let my mind feel with my heart. No objective, no background planning on what to do next-just allowing my entire being resonate with this place, this particular time.
Towers of glass and steel, the multitude of lights of all shapes and sizes, signs and images, advertisements and the incessant reminder of time-this is the city.
Yet what makes the city beautiful?
After coming back from a German-themed lunch, catching the last song in a free concert for up-and-coming artist [something] Chou, and then fielding questions and bravely enduring the smothering love of my dear Little Aunt and Uncle...I was rushing, rushing from the Ximen MRT station to the 307 bus stop-and then, I heard it.
My ears caught the plaintive, heartlifting melody of the erhu. My mind abruptly halted the planning and goalsetting and cataloguing all the things that had happened the past 24 hours-just to listen.
The city is where human expression finds its audience most readily. The city is where one can become jaded to the masses of immortal beings that stream past us on a daily basis, yet it provides the outlet for that one soul to pour out its longings and thoughts and be appreciated by those who stop and listen. This city has shown me the preciousness, the beauty, and the inevitable limitations of humanness.
Family-I now know the lives of my cousins and aunts/uncles on an intimate level. I know the lives of my friends when they are most vulnerable (or most powerful, as the case may be)-when they are at home. I have touched the souls of my kin, and have for the first time felt the cold fear of eternal separation grip my heart. My prayers as a kid always were systematic: from oldest aunt to youngest cousin, every day we'd give up halfhearted, innocently feeble prayers for their lives. Yet now I see the horrific damage of a lack of prayer warriors. I feel their blindness, yet am helpless to undo what years of aimless wandering and toxic lukewarm faith have done to their view of Christ. Oh, may God have mercy on my family!
Faith-My heart has been strengthened by so many beautiful demonstrations of God's grace in my life, so many spiritual lessons to prepare my heart for medical school. God demonstrates most by using His body, and I've been tremendously blessed to meet three wonderful brothers and sisters during my time in Asia who have spoken life into my soul. (by divine providence, they're all med students!) Climbing a mountain behind zhen da in Taipei with two of my cousins gave me renewed praise in my heart for God's creation-we saw so many butterflies, spiders, cicadas...the mountains were teeming with life!
Towers of glass and steel, the multitude of lights of all shapes and sizes, signs and images, advertisements and the incessant reminder of time-this is the city.
Yet what makes the city beautiful?
After coming back from a German-themed lunch, catching the last song in a free concert for up-and-coming artist [something] Chou, and then fielding questions and bravely enduring the smothering love of my dear Little Aunt and Uncle...I was rushing, rushing from the Ximen MRT station to the 307 bus stop-and then, I heard it.
My ears caught the plaintive, heartlifting melody of the erhu. My mind abruptly halted the planning and goalsetting and cataloguing all the things that had happened the past 24 hours-just to listen.
The city is where human expression finds its audience most readily. The city is where one can become jaded to the masses of immortal beings that stream past us on a daily basis, yet it provides the outlet for that one soul to pour out its longings and thoughts and be appreciated by those who stop and listen. This city has shown me the preciousness, the beauty, and the inevitable limitations of humanness.
Family-I now know the lives of my cousins and aunts/uncles on an intimate level. I know the lives of my friends when they are most vulnerable (or most powerful, as the case may be)-when they are at home. I have touched the souls of my kin, and have for the first time felt the cold fear of eternal separation grip my heart. My prayers as a kid always were systematic: from oldest aunt to youngest cousin, every day we'd give up halfhearted, innocently feeble prayers for their lives. Yet now I see the horrific damage of a lack of prayer warriors. I feel their blindness, yet am helpless to undo what years of aimless wandering and toxic lukewarm faith have done to their view of Christ. Oh, may God have mercy on my family!
Faith-My heart has been strengthened by so many beautiful demonstrations of God's grace in my life, so many spiritual lessons to prepare my heart for medical school. God demonstrates most by using His body, and I've been tremendously blessed to meet three wonderful brothers and sisters during my time in Asia who have spoken life into my soul. (by divine providence, they're all med students!) Climbing a mountain behind zhen da in Taipei with two of my cousins gave me renewed praise in my heart for God's creation-we saw so many butterflies, spiders, cicadas...the mountains were teeming with life!
Myself-I can now more deeply appreciate the fullness of my blessings. Surely God has been good to me, in more ways than I could ever hope for or imagine! Only after I have left home do I appreciate the person God has molded me to become-and have confidence that He will bring His work in me to completion according to His plan. I realized for the first time what it means for my heart to leap, to ache, to be given away. It's a scary experience, and one that I'm still grappling with even now.
-->update
I just came back from surfing. man, that was a spectacular, mindblowing experience! Yet much, much harder than the hype. riding the waves-yet the key is this: to not grasp the board or to try and control your "balance," but rather to feel the waves, to literally go with the flow (of course with the correct form, plastered on the board). now I know why surfers are so chill!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Romans 8
Today, I watched Love Actually (censored, without that explicit story) and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs.
As I watched the first movie, I was struck by the nature of the relationships-a glance, a touch, a look-and it's over. It's love at first/second/third sight. Yet the underlying premise, the basis, is physical attraction. THAT is what constitutes that "fall in love" part (actually, it is nearly the whole), and the only story that showed a woman sacrificing that physical intimacy for her mentally unstable brother is portrayed as a noble, but infinitely sad and dismal existence compared to the exuberant happiness when that fleeting desire is consummated-and, what is more, celebrated!
And I was confused. In part because I now have a partial understanding of what love is, I could not help but scoff at the notion that relationships are based on such flimsy footing (and roll my eyes when surprise, surprise! they fall apart just as readily).
I brought up this feeling in casual conversation with Jasper, and his reply was-"what do you expect?" What DID I expect?
Did I expect that the world would know anything else but a sweet story of confused individuals mistaking coincidence and lustful glances for lifelong companionship? Did I expect that two friends (in the movie) would realize their deep bond (love?) for one another and feel fulfilled by getting wasted and watching X-rated films together and consider that an 'ultimate' bond of affection?
And I was reminded of the depth of Christ's love, the breadth of true love.
I've been going through Romans, and Romans 8 particularly took my breath away.
First, justification. How did God justify us, how did He deal with the formidable spectre of the law, and the sin that chains us to the hopelessness of condemnation? vs. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the sinful nature, GOD DID by sending His own Son in the likeness of humanity to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in human flesh...
So that was the price. And Paul goes on to paint a beautiful picture of our struggle against the flesh, against the sinful mind and its sinful desires that coexist with the Spirit within us-but we indeed have victory, for we are the children of God through the Holy Spirit we received!
Such suffering! Although we are justified according to the law, though we are adopted into God's family, though we have the Spirit of God-I still suffer so much from the weakness of indulging in my sinful nature. Surely that is where insecurity prowls, in the hearts of those that are controlled by their sinful desires! When I feel so alone, such longing that fills my heart to have fulfillment-and when I am seduced by the thought of going against what I know is the right attitude and approach to be wildly impractical and "romantic"-I am seduced by my sinful nature. Truly verse 6 speaks-The mind controlled by the sinful nature is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Yet this struggle is not the end-oh, praise GOD that this struggle is not the entirety of a poor Christian's existence! NO, there is glory. There is hope. There are all of the intangible but wonderful, glorious gifts that God bestows upon His people!
vs. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
vs. 24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Most of all, we have the promise and the love of God.
We have this awesome promise in Romans 8:28 (one of my life verses) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.
But, more overwhelmingly, we have the love. of. Christ.
We have this divine, unchanging, true love. vs. 35a Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Here I ask, who? Who? Is there any person who can tear us away from Christ's love? Is there any man or woman alive who can claim that they stole Christ's love away from a soul? I'm sure there are those that claim they have, and perhaps they have ensnared some temporarily-but I am continuously reminded that even when we humans are unfaithful, GOD IS FAITHFUL, for He CANNOT DENY HIMSELF. He faithfully loves even when we reject Him for other lovers, and even when we come back beaten, bruised, broken. No soul can ever separate us from the love of Christ. That is...glorious. absolutely glorious.
vs. 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
vs. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Divine love is so absolutely glorious. I cannot find any other adjective in my (rapidly diminishing) English arsenal to describe it, for glory to me captures the highest possible state that God could ever bestow upon His people. Imagine, to be in the presence of the glory of God!
Yet as I ponder divine love, its indestructible nature, its undying connection-I realize in my heart that there is a divine purpose intimately intertwined with this divine love. I realize that Christ's love, yes, it is a beautiful and wonderful promise that is secured for me, for Christians-but it is also a fact for the world. Previously I had been girding myself to go into medical school and to pour myself into becoming the best at my calling (medicine)-but with the view that my classmates are (friendly) rivals, the view that my classmates are ones who I must keep at a distance in order to succeed in my goal.
Yet in light of this divine love, Christ speaks gently but firmly: Dennis, what is my purpose for you? In the words of another medical student friend who I met recently (paraphrased) Christ/Christianity gives me a clear and wonderful purpose that gets me up in the morning every day. Without that I'm not sure I CAN get up!
At the time I wanted to test and ask-so what purpose is that, specifically? Yet I myself had no clear answer other than a vague assent towards 'glorifying God.'
Divine love means that I live for the purpose of connecting lost and lonely souls with the embodiment of that perfect, holy love. Yes, I am to work towards becoming the best at my calling, but more importantly I must approach it with the overriding desire to see my classmates know and experience divine love.
While my inexperience with love has caused my heart to go in all sorts of directions, in Christ's love I find the shelter and security that I need. My heart is still, my soul calm-for my desires have been laid at the feet of a God who loves me with an invincible love.
As I watched the first movie, I was struck by the nature of the relationships-a glance, a touch, a look-and it's over. It's love at first/second/third sight. Yet the underlying premise, the basis, is physical attraction. THAT is what constitutes that "fall in love" part (actually, it is nearly the whole), and the only story that showed a woman sacrificing that physical intimacy for her mentally unstable brother is portrayed as a noble, but infinitely sad and dismal existence compared to the exuberant happiness when that fleeting desire is consummated-and, what is more, celebrated!
And I was confused. In part because I now have a partial understanding of what love is, I could not help but scoff at the notion that relationships are based on such flimsy footing (and roll my eyes when surprise, surprise! they fall apart just as readily).
I brought up this feeling in casual conversation with Jasper, and his reply was-"what do you expect?" What DID I expect?
Did I expect that the world would know anything else but a sweet story of confused individuals mistaking coincidence and lustful glances for lifelong companionship? Did I expect that two friends (in the movie) would realize their deep bond (love?) for one another and feel fulfilled by getting wasted and watching X-rated films together and consider that an 'ultimate' bond of affection?
And I was reminded of the depth of Christ's love, the breadth of true love.
I've been going through Romans, and Romans 8 particularly took my breath away.
First, justification. How did God justify us, how did He deal with the formidable spectre of the law, and the sin that chains us to the hopelessness of condemnation? vs. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the sinful nature, GOD DID by sending His own Son in the likeness of humanity to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in human flesh...
So that was the price. And Paul goes on to paint a beautiful picture of our struggle against the flesh, against the sinful mind and its sinful desires that coexist with the Spirit within us-but we indeed have victory, for we are the children of God through the Holy Spirit we received!
Such suffering! Although we are justified according to the law, though we are adopted into God's family, though we have the Spirit of God-I still suffer so much from the weakness of indulging in my sinful nature. Surely that is where insecurity prowls, in the hearts of those that are controlled by their sinful desires! When I feel so alone, such longing that fills my heart to have fulfillment-and when I am seduced by the thought of going against what I know is the right attitude and approach to be wildly impractical and "romantic"-I am seduced by my sinful nature. Truly verse 6 speaks-The mind controlled by the sinful nature is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Yet this struggle is not the end-oh, praise GOD that this struggle is not the entirety of a poor Christian's existence! NO, there is glory. There is hope. There are all of the intangible but wonderful, glorious gifts that God bestows upon His people!
vs. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
vs. 24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Most of all, we have the promise and the love of God.
We have this awesome promise in Romans 8:28 (one of my life verses) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.
But, more overwhelmingly, we have the love. of. Christ.
We have this divine, unchanging, true love. vs. 35a Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Here I ask, who? Who? Is there any person who can tear us away from Christ's love? Is there any man or woman alive who can claim that they stole Christ's love away from a soul? I'm sure there are those that claim they have, and perhaps they have ensnared some temporarily-but I am continuously reminded that even when we humans are unfaithful, GOD IS FAITHFUL, for He CANNOT DENY HIMSELF. He faithfully loves even when we reject Him for other lovers, and even when we come back beaten, bruised, broken. No soul can ever separate us from the love of Christ. That is...glorious. absolutely glorious.
vs. 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
vs. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Divine love is so absolutely glorious. I cannot find any other adjective in my (rapidly diminishing) English arsenal to describe it, for glory to me captures the highest possible state that God could ever bestow upon His people. Imagine, to be in the presence of the glory of God!
Yet as I ponder divine love, its indestructible nature, its undying connection-I realize in my heart that there is a divine purpose intimately intertwined with this divine love. I realize that Christ's love, yes, it is a beautiful and wonderful promise that is secured for me, for Christians-but it is also a fact for the world. Previously I had been girding myself to go into medical school and to pour myself into becoming the best at my calling (medicine)-but with the view that my classmates are (friendly) rivals, the view that my classmates are ones who I must keep at a distance in order to succeed in my goal.
Yet in light of this divine love, Christ speaks gently but firmly: Dennis, what is my purpose for you? In the words of another medical student friend who I met recently (paraphrased) Christ/Christianity gives me a clear and wonderful purpose that gets me up in the morning every day. Without that I'm not sure I CAN get up!
At the time I wanted to test and ask-so what purpose is that, specifically? Yet I myself had no clear answer other than a vague assent towards 'glorifying God.'
Divine love means that I live for the purpose of connecting lost and lonely souls with the embodiment of that perfect, holy love. Yes, I am to work towards becoming the best at my calling, but more importantly I must approach it with the overriding desire to see my classmates know and experience divine love.
While my inexperience with love has caused my heart to go in all sorts of directions, in Christ's love I find the shelter and security that I need. My heart is still, my soul calm-for my desires have been laid at the feet of a God who loves me with an invincible love.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A bit of home
Yesterday I took the high-speed rail down to Tainan to visit one of my best friends. I came in with expectations to do what I do best: eat. My aunt had taken great pains to let me know just how good the food is in Tainan, how she wanted to retire there when she got old enough, etcetc.
However, I was looking forward to finally being with a fellow brother and good friend for some time! No worries about tiptoeing around topics of conversation, no "filters" to put up, just some plain old fashioned hanging out. And so we did a mixture of the two-eat, hang out. And I thoroughly enjoyed the ease with which I can live-even as a guest in a family that is not quite typical. I was so relieved to wake up without any alarms this morning (after a night of rather vivid dreams), to spend time lounging around, talking to our dear friend Philip via Skype for...2 hours, singing/playing worship songs, sharing thoughts and reflections, and leisurely doing some household chores (aka moving in and setting up a big-screen TV). It was a refreshing return to the responsibilities and activities of normal everyday life. I do understand the irony that I would trade the absolute leisure and concerns of a vacation for the burdens of daily life, but it was rather refreshing.
Then a very nice dinner at a five star hotel, and watching a World Cup match to round off the day. I couldn't have felt more comfortable, and in entering a house where bible verses are hung on the wall, wooden crosses lounge in the corners, and a bible lies prominently on the living room table-my heart is filled with joy and peace.
I am reminded of John Stott's prayer: In a world that is hungry, I thank God for good food. In a world that is lonely, I thank God for good friends. In a world that is growing ever darker, I thank God for the light of Christ.
However, I was looking forward to finally being with a fellow brother and good friend for some time! No worries about tiptoeing around topics of conversation, no "filters" to put up, just some plain old fashioned hanging out. And so we did a mixture of the two-eat, hang out. And I thoroughly enjoyed the ease with which I can live-even as a guest in a family that is not quite typical. I was so relieved to wake up without any alarms this morning (after a night of rather vivid dreams), to spend time lounging around, talking to our dear friend Philip via Skype for...2 hours, singing/playing worship songs, sharing thoughts and reflections, and leisurely doing some household chores (aka moving in and setting up a big-screen TV). It was a refreshing return to the responsibilities and activities of normal everyday life. I do understand the irony that I would trade the absolute leisure and concerns of a vacation for the burdens of daily life, but it was rather refreshing.
Then a very nice dinner at a five star hotel, and watching a World Cup match to round off the day. I couldn't have felt more comfortable, and in entering a house where bible verses are hung on the wall, wooden crosses lounge in the corners, and a bible lies prominently on the living room table-my heart is filled with joy and peace.
I am reminded of John Stott's prayer: In a world that is hungry, I thank God for good food. In a world that is lonely, I thank God for good friends. In a world that is growing ever darker, I thank God for the light of Christ.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The Loneliness Sickness
I had an amazing tour of Singapore today-culinarily exquisite, the food cannot be beaten on three counts: 1)quality 2)availability 3)price. I have had so many different tastes today my tongue can't clearly distinguish taste as easily...what a taste-bud-workout! We were able to look at so many different places, it seemed as if we had completely covered the island city nation in just one day! From the touristy island Sentosa with the cheesy and overplayed Merlion exhibit (I almost went as far as to accuse it of idolatry) with the imitation "Under the Sea" lyrics...I shouldn't bash it so much, but come to think of it the statue and "myths" were rather disturbing at best. At least we got a free fan out of it-a very useful tool for the rest of the day :)
Then we went to the southernmost tip of continental Asia, beautifully built with two platforms, connected by a very islandy bridge made of hemp and chains. Ingenious design to make you feel as if you're in a tropical paradise with all the conveniences and security of modern design and materials. Ingenious. So careful with their planning. At the top was a breathtaking view of a (blue!) sky, could see green Indonesia and an expanse of azure waters, with a cool breeze and shaded view. Awesome experience.
Then we went to go shopping at a lot of malls and department stores, where I found a very good fitting (and good looking) dress shirt, and realized that I had been ripped off in Shanghai for 3 dress shirts. I wince at the thought-that the reason it can't be sold easily is because of the SLEEVE LENGTHS that I didn't check, that I didn't try on...I was utterly scammed by that lady. I need to check for sure once I go back, but I don't have high hopes.
Throughout the entire time we ate/snacked/talked our way around. Amiable companionship sprinkled with meaningful conversation and spiritual brotherhood make for a very volatile and endearing mix. Add delicious, abundant, cheap food into the mix and you've got dynamite.
We then went to JX's uncle's house, where they had a family gathering/dinner to celebrate father's day (oops). I do hope my father doesn't mind that I didn't do anything this year. Delicious home-cooked food, so much better than I could ever get anywhere in Singapore. Good time of listening and learning from the older, wiser generation and learning a lot of life lessons:
1) find your passion
2) business is about serving people, making life better for them-not $
3) business and success are not meant to be the primary priorities in life
4) our current comfort is at the expense of our fathers' and grandfathers' consumption of bitterness and hardship
Went on a tour of the Esplanade, saw the skyline...and toured the nightlife of the city. My friend reminded me as I was just acting the spectator of the brokenness Jesus feels for these aimless sheep, seeking pleasures and fulfillment that the world promises, yet leaving more empty and lonely than ever.
And thus comes to the part about loneliness.
Loneliness...is such a symptom not only of Singapore (materialistic and artificial as it may seem), nor solely of urban centers, nor even in the insulated environments of college campuses. Loneliness pervades our souls, my soul-because the human heart seeks, longs, craves satisfaction through relationship. Whether to nature, to a divine being, to a member of the opposite sex, to friends, to family-we want to connect with and find fulfillment in the fact that we are not the sole living, feeling, thinking being on a wasteland of desolation and lifelessness.
I awoke with a feeling of emptiness, as if my heart were in another place. How strange and wondrous a feeling is human love! Yet I knew that the way of the world-to wallow in this emotion, to prize it above everything else that may be going on around you (so that you're seen as the romantic whose obsessive inability to connect with reality because of another is somehow construed as attractive). This way is wrong, because as a Christian my fulfillment is given by God and God alone. It is found in God alone. And thus I had to come to God to fill that void in my heart, that vacant, glazed look in my eyes.
Psalm 3:5
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
And God does sustain-he provides the spiritual food, the nourishing richness of His Word to abide in me, to let me encourage others despite my...condition. Truly He satisfies like none other, and in His presence I am content.
Then we went to the southernmost tip of continental Asia, beautifully built with two platforms, connected by a very islandy bridge made of hemp and chains. Ingenious design to make you feel as if you're in a tropical paradise with all the conveniences and security of modern design and materials. Ingenious. So careful with their planning. At the top was a breathtaking view of a (blue!) sky, could see green Indonesia and an expanse of azure waters, with a cool breeze and shaded view. Awesome experience.
Then we went to go shopping at a lot of malls and department stores, where I found a very good fitting (and good looking) dress shirt, and realized that I had been ripped off in Shanghai for 3 dress shirts. I wince at the thought-that the reason it can't be sold easily is because of the SLEEVE LENGTHS that I didn't check, that I didn't try on...I was utterly scammed by that lady. I need to check for sure once I go back, but I don't have high hopes.
Throughout the entire time we ate/snacked/talked our way around. Amiable companionship sprinkled with meaningful conversation and spiritual brotherhood make for a very volatile and endearing mix. Add delicious, abundant, cheap food into the mix and you've got dynamite.
We then went to JX's uncle's house, where they had a family gathering/dinner to celebrate father's day (oops). I do hope my father doesn't mind that I didn't do anything this year. Delicious home-cooked food, so much better than I could ever get anywhere in Singapore. Good time of listening and learning from the older, wiser generation and learning a lot of life lessons:
1) find your passion
2) business is about serving people, making life better for them-not $
3) business and success are not meant to be the primary priorities in life
4) our current comfort is at the expense of our fathers' and grandfathers' consumption of bitterness and hardship
Went on a tour of the Esplanade, saw the skyline...and toured the nightlife of the city. My friend reminded me as I was just acting the spectator of the brokenness Jesus feels for these aimless sheep, seeking pleasures and fulfillment that the world promises, yet leaving more empty and lonely than ever.
And thus comes to the part about loneliness.
Loneliness...is such a symptom not only of Singapore (materialistic and artificial as it may seem), nor solely of urban centers, nor even in the insulated environments of college campuses. Loneliness pervades our souls, my soul-because the human heart seeks, longs, craves satisfaction through relationship. Whether to nature, to a divine being, to a member of the opposite sex, to friends, to family-we want to connect with and find fulfillment in the fact that we are not the sole living, feeling, thinking being on a wasteland of desolation and lifelessness.
I awoke with a feeling of emptiness, as if my heart were in another place. How strange and wondrous a feeling is human love! Yet I knew that the way of the world-to wallow in this emotion, to prize it above everything else that may be going on around you (so that you're seen as the romantic whose obsessive inability to connect with reality because of another is somehow construed as attractive). This way is wrong, because as a Christian my fulfillment is given by God and God alone. It is found in God alone. And thus I had to come to God to fill that void in my heart, that vacant, glazed look in my eyes.
Psalm 3:5
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
And God does sustain-he provides the spiritual food, the nourishing richness of His Word to abide in me, to let me encourage others despite my...condition. Truly He satisfies like none other, and in His presence I am content.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
bono on easter
I recently stumbled across this article that Bono wrote on Easter Sunday (or around that time) last year. It's pretty liberal, yet I can hear and feel his heart beating through this article. (what a weird image) I especially love the part where he realizes (makes real) those oft-thrown phrases of offering and charity into investment and justice. Increasingly I find that the world has placed such an ethereal tint on religious terms that they are separated from what "real" adults do in the "real" secular world. advertisements are fine, since they extol the "secular" virtues of products and services for a better life, but religiously themed messages are abominable, intrusive-even though they bring the moral ideas and precepts that address the soul.
(I don't know if it's against copyright to do so, but I'll give full credit to the author):
The New York Times
April 18, 2009
Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 and a co-founder of the advocacy group ONE, is a contributing columnist for The Times.
It’s 2009. Do You Know Where Your Soul Is?
..........................................
I AM in Midtown Manhattan, where drivers still play their car horns as if they were musical instruments and shouting in restaurants is sport.
I am a long way from the warm breeze of voices I heard a week ago on Easter Sunday.
“Glorify your name,” the island women sang, as they swayed in a cut sandstone church. I was overwhelmed by a riot of color, an emotional swell that carried me to sea.
Christianity, it turns out, has a rhythm — and it crescendos this time of year. The rumba of Carnival gives way to the slow march of Lent, then to the staccato hymnals of the Easter parade. From revelry to reverie. After 40 days in the desert, sort of ...
Carnival — rock stars are good at that.
“Carne” is flesh; “Carne-val,” its goodbye party. I’ve been to many. Brazilians say they’ve done it longest; they certainly do it best. You can’t help but contract the fever. You’ve got no choice but to join the ravers as they swell up the streets bursting like the banks of a river in a flood of fun set to rhythm. This is a Joy that cannot be conjured. This is life force. This is the heart full and spilling over with gratitude. The choice is yours ...
It’s Lent I’ve always had issues with. I gave it up ... self-denial is where I come a cropper. My idea of discipline is simple — hard work — but of course that’s another indulgence.
Then comes the dying and the living that is Easter.
It’s a transcendent moment for me — a rebirth I always seem to need. Never more so than a few years ago, when my father died. I recall the embarrassment and relief of hot tears as I knelt in a chapel in a village in France and repented my prodigal nature — repented for fighting my father for so many years and wasting so many opportunities to know him better. I remember the feeling of “a peace that passes understanding” as a load lifted. Of all the Christian festivals, it is the Easter parade that demands the most faith — pushing you past reverence for creation, through bewilderment at the idea of a virgin birth, and into the far-fetched and far-reaching idea that death is not the end. The cross as crossroads. Whatever your religious or nonreligious views, the chance to begin again is a compelling idea.
•
Last Sunday, the choirmaster was jumping out of his skin ... stormy then still, playful then tender, on the most upright of pianos and melodies. He sang his invocations in a beautiful oaken tenor with a freckle-faced boy at his side playing conga and tambourine as if it was a full drum kit. The parish sang to the rafters songs of praise to a God that apparently surrendered His voice to ours.
I come to lowly church halls and lofty cathedrals for what purpose? I search the Scriptures to what end? To check my head? My heart? No, my soul. For me these meditations are like a plumb line dropped by a master builder — to see if the walls are straight or crooked. I check my emotional life with music, my intellectual life with writing, but religion is where I soul-search.
The preacher said, “What good does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?” Hearing this, every one of the pilgrims gathered in the room asked, “Is it me, Lord?” In America, in Europe, people are asking, “Is it us?”
Well, yes. It is us.
Carnival is over. Commerce has been overheating markets and climates ... the sooty skies of the industrial revolution have changed scale and location, but now melt ice caps and make the seas boil in the time of technological revolution. Capitalism is on trial; globalization is, once again, in the dock. We used to say that all we wanted for the rest of the world was what we had for ourselves. Then we found out that if every living soul on the planet had a fridge and a house and an S.U.V., we would choke on our own exhaust.
Lent is upon us whether we asked for it or not. And with it, we hope, comes a chance at redemption. But redemption is not just a spiritual term, it’s an economic concept. At the turn of the millennium, the debt cancellation campaign, inspired by the Jewish concept of Jubilee, aimed to give the poorest countries a fresh start. Thirty-four million more children in Africa are now in school in large part because their governments used money freed up by debt relief. This redemption was not an end to economic slavery, but it was a more hopeful beginning for many. And to the many, not the lucky few, is surely where any soul-searching must lead us.
A few weeks ago I was in Washington when news arrived of proposed cuts to the president’s aid budget. People said that it was going to be hard to fulfill promises to those who live in dire circumstances such a long way away when there is so much hardship in the United States. And there is.
But I read recently that Americans are taking up public service in greater numbers because they are short on money to give. And, following a successful bipartisan Senate vote, word is that Congress will restore the money that had been cut from the aid budget — a refusal to abandon those who would pay such a high price for a crisis not of their making. In the roughest of times, people show who they are.
Your soul.
So much of the discussion today is about value, not values. Aid well spent can be an example of both, values and value for money. Providing AIDS medication to just under four million people, putting in place modest measures to improve maternal health, eradicating killer pests like malaria and rotoviruses — all these provide a leg up on the climb to self-sufficiency, all these can help us make friends in a world quick to enmity. It’s not alms, it’s investment. It’s not charity, it’s justice.
•
Strangely, as we file out of the small stone church into the cruel sun, I think of Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, whose now combined fortune is dedicated to the fight against extreme poverty. Agnostics both, I believe. I think of Nelson Mandela, who has spent his life upholding the rights of others. A spiritual man — no doubt. Religious? I’m told he would not describe himself that way.
Not all soul music comes from the church.
(I don't know if it's against copyright to do so, but I'll give full credit to the author):
The New York Times
April 18, 2009
Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 and a co-founder of the advocacy group ONE, is a contributing columnist for The Times.
It’s 2009. Do You Know Where Your Soul Is?
..........................................
I AM in Midtown Manhattan, where drivers still play their car horns as if they were musical instruments and shouting in restaurants is sport.
I am a long way from the warm breeze of voices I heard a week ago on Easter Sunday.
“Glorify your name,” the island women sang, as they swayed in a cut sandstone church. I was overwhelmed by a riot of color, an emotional swell that carried me to sea.
Christianity, it turns out, has a rhythm — and it crescendos this time of year. The rumba of Carnival gives way to the slow march of Lent, then to the staccato hymnals of the Easter parade. From revelry to reverie. After 40 days in the desert, sort of ...
Carnival — rock stars are good at that.
“Carne” is flesh; “Carne-val,” its goodbye party. I’ve been to many. Brazilians say they’ve done it longest; they certainly do it best. You can’t help but contract the fever. You’ve got no choice but to join the ravers as they swell up the streets bursting like the banks of a river in a flood of fun set to rhythm. This is a Joy that cannot be conjured. This is life force. This is the heart full and spilling over with gratitude. The choice is yours ...
It’s Lent I’ve always had issues with. I gave it up ... self-denial is where I come a cropper. My idea of discipline is simple — hard work — but of course that’s another indulgence.
Then comes the dying and the living that is Easter.
It’s a transcendent moment for me — a rebirth I always seem to need. Never more so than a few years ago, when my father died. I recall the embarrassment and relief of hot tears as I knelt in a chapel in a village in France and repented my prodigal nature — repented for fighting my father for so many years and wasting so many opportunities to know him better. I remember the feeling of “a peace that passes understanding” as a load lifted. Of all the Christian festivals, it is the Easter parade that demands the most faith — pushing you past reverence for creation, through bewilderment at the idea of a virgin birth, and into the far-fetched and far-reaching idea that death is not the end. The cross as crossroads. Whatever your religious or nonreligious views, the chance to begin again is a compelling idea.
•
Last Sunday, the choirmaster was jumping out of his skin ... stormy then still, playful then tender, on the most upright of pianos and melodies. He sang his invocations in a beautiful oaken tenor with a freckle-faced boy at his side playing conga and tambourine as if it was a full drum kit. The parish sang to the rafters songs of praise to a God that apparently surrendered His voice to ours.
I come to lowly church halls and lofty cathedrals for what purpose? I search the Scriptures to what end? To check my head? My heart? No, my soul. For me these meditations are like a plumb line dropped by a master builder — to see if the walls are straight or crooked. I check my emotional life with music, my intellectual life with writing, but religion is where I soul-search.
The preacher said, “What good does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?” Hearing this, every one of the pilgrims gathered in the room asked, “Is it me, Lord?” In America, in Europe, people are asking, “Is it us?”
Well, yes. It is us.
Carnival is over. Commerce has been overheating markets and climates ... the sooty skies of the industrial revolution have changed scale and location, but now melt ice caps and make the seas boil in the time of technological revolution. Capitalism is on trial; globalization is, once again, in the dock. We used to say that all we wanted for the rest of the world was what we had for ourselves. Then we found out that if every living soul on the planet had a fridge and a house and an S.U.V., we would choke on our own exhaust.
Lent is upon us whether we asked for it or not. And with it, we hope, comes a chance at redemption. But redemption is not just a spiritual term, it’s an economic concept. At the turn of the millennium, the debt cancellation campaign, inspired by the Jewish concept of Jubilee, aimed to give the poorest countries a fresh start. Thirty-four million more children in Africa are now in school in large part because their governments used money freed up by debt relief. This redemption was not an end to economic slavery, but it was a more hopeful beginning for many. And to the many, not the lucky few, is surely where any soul-searching must lead us.
A few weeks ago I was in Washington when news arrived of proposed cuts to the president’s aid budget. People said that it was going to be hard to fulfill promises to those who live in dire circumstances such a long way away when there is so much hardship in the United States. And there is.
But I read recently that Americans are taking up public service in greater numbers because they are short on money to give. And, following a successful bipartisan Senate vote, word is that Congress will restore the money that had been cut from the aid budget — a refusal to abandon those who would pay such a high price for a crisis not of their making. In the roughest of times, people show who they are.
Your soul.
So much of the discussion today is about value, not values. Aid well spent can be an example of both, values and value for money. Providing AIDS medication to just under four million people, putting in place modest measures to improve maternal health, eradicating killer pests like malaria and rotoviruses — all these provide a leg up on the climb to self-sufficiency, all these can help us make friends in a world quick to enmity. It’s not alms, it’s investment. It’s not charity, it’s justice.
•
Strangely, as we file out of the small stone church into the cruel sun, I think of Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, whose now combined fortune is dedicated to the fight against extreme poverty. Agnostics both, I believe. I think of Nelson Mandela, who has spent his life upholding the rights of others. A spiritual man — no doubt. Religious? I’m told he would not describe himself that way.
Not all soul music comes from the church.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
to be loved
I came home for Midterm recess.
And it was a joyous occasion.
I cooked for my parents, I was the God-given son that honored my father and mother. I spoke with them freely about my life; I did not hold anything back from them.
I experienced the beautiful outpouring of friendship, of love from dear freshmen, of encouragement from a close friend.
Yet, yet...I think the most significant lesson that I learned this weekend was this:
I need to love God, to desire Him, ever more. Especially now.
These past few weeks have been ones of intense and wrenching struggles with God-a wrestling match, if you will-I struggled with my desire for freedom, I struggled with my desire for relationship, I struggled with my own spiritual dryness. In the end, I would find myself before God just asking Him, "Why do I not trust you with all my life and heart and soul? Why do I keep on thinking that other things satisfy the deepest longings of my heart?"
I went to a Good Friday service that was saccharine, all hope but no despair, all joy and no sorrow, all blessing and no suffering. What is the resurrection of Christ without his crucifixion? What good is it to dance in God's presence without first kneeling in brokenness before the Cross? Satan goads me to believe the lie that I cannot ever be fully satisfied in my God; that I will ever be seeking other things to fill that void in my life. Even as I encourage others, I need that desire for Him; I need to destroy that unbelief that sets itself up defiantly before Almighty God, a woefully misguided will that has become unhinged from the deep wellspring of truth.
I want to be loved and known by God. I want to know His love apart from (is that possible?) my parents, my brother, my fellowship, my church-I want to experience that love in these times when I am not with these beloved blessings in my life! I want to be so devastated by that love that I cannot help but love Him back!
And it was a joyous occasion.
I cooked for my parents, I was the God-given son that honored my father and mother. I spoke with them freely about my life; I did not hold anything back from them.
I experienced the beautiful outpouring of friendship, of love from dear freshmen, of encouragement from a close friend.
Yet, yet...I think the most significant lesson that I learned this weekend was this:
I need to love God, to desire Him, ever more. Especially now.
These past few weeks have been ones of intense and wrenching struggles with God-a wrestling match, if you will-I struggled with my desire for freedom, I struggled with my desire for relationship, I struggled with my own spiritual dryness. In the end, I would find myself before God just asking Him, "Why do I not trust you with all my life and heart and soul? Why do I keep on thinking that other things satisfy the deepest longings of my heart?"
I went to a Good Friday service that was saccharine, all hope but no despair, all joy and no sorrow, all blessing and no suffering. What is the resurrection of Christ without his crucifixion? What good is it to dance in God's presence without first kneeling in brokenness before the Cross? Satan goads me to believe the lie that I cannot ever be fully satisfied in my God; that I will ever be seeking other things to fill that void in my life. Even as I encourage others, I need that desire for Him; I need to destroy that unbelief that sets itself up defiantly before Almighty God, a woefully misguided will that has become unhinged from the deep wellspring of truth.
I want to be loved and known by God. I want to know His love apart from (is that possible?) my parents, my brother, my fellowship, my church-I want to experience that love in these times when I am not with these beloved blessings in my life! I want to be so devastated by that love that I cannot help but love Him back!
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